designing innovative aircrafts -which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why?

Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (*) (100 words or fewer)

Dreams about designing innovative aircrafts and developing new technologies to improve them have always been at the forefront of my mind. Every time I do a personal navigation through aeronautics, either by internet, documentaries or magazines, my interest grows and my enthusiasm confirms that Aeronautics is my destined path. It is a passion! I am sure MIT AeroAstro department is the right place for me; its world's leading aerospace teachers and its many research opportunities create a learning atmosphere that matches perfectly with my eagerness for investigation and for making significant contributions to this discipline and to the entire world.

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100 words!

Do you think it answer the question clearly?

Every suggestion is welcome.
Thanks in advance! :)

perhaps combine this sentence with the next one since they both talk about the same thing?


when I was a child,


As time elapsed


very impersonal since it doesn't have anything to do with what you want to study

instead, talk about some MIT programs such. (you need to do this at some point to fully cover the question)

you spent too much time talking about your passion, and NOT at the specific department or program at MIT that appeals to you.

these 2 statements kinda overlap. therefore, i'd suggest taking out the first one. or if you really wanna emphasize, then be more specific about the driving force so that you're not repeating.


it's commitment matches perfectly with my blabla

apart from this, i think that your essay is pretty complete content-wise. but you do need some further editing like


my interest evolved


paper airplanes; documentaries. and this sentence has a awkward structure.

there's definitely a better way of saying some of the things here. try getting your english teacher to edit it for you, and improve some of the syntax.

Here are some ideas for you!

Dreams about designing innovative aircrafts and developing technologies to improve them has always been at the forefront of my mind.

have always caught my attention . When I was a child, my enthusiasm was reserved for aircraft models, even ones made out of paper! from making paper versions to I would stay up late to see documentaries on TV, and as time elapsed, my interest just grew up. I have strong ...

Thank you so much for your help! :)


I did it in order to emphasize. I don't understand what do you mean with being more spesific! :S

my interest just grew up
WRITE: my interest grew. (omit up)

I have strong confidence that MIT AeroAstro department is my place .
WRITE: is the right one for me

THNX for your reply, I appreciate it. Don't hesitate to write more.

to what?


although i still think it's awkward, i guess you could leave it there


what is the driving force? the commitment? the program itself? be more specific! (that's what i meant in the first place)

Yeah! Now I get what you meant!


I was talking about my passion; that's the driving force.

Here it is after some corrections:

SEE ABOVE

This is 106 words! Do you think the admission office is SO strict about the number of words?
The only possibilities I can see is taking out "and developing technologies to improve them" or "I would stay up late to see documentaries on TV". If necessary, which one do you think I should take out?

Thank you very much yang! I really appreciate your help! :)

my interest grew (or evolved).
(grew how? you'd have to explain, or simply take this sentence out)


is the perfect learning place for me maybe?


my dedication? (find a synonym of commitment since you already used it)


parallel structure mistake (to excellence and to improve, see what i mean?)
also, I'd take this out because you'd have to explain what you mean by improve society


..a bit pretentious here? huge...is not the right word. significant? lasting?


what discipline? you talk about the department, but understand that a department has A LOT of disciplines, or majors


this echoes your improve society point, but you'd have to explain...

Overall, it's not a bad essay, but beware that you make a lot of big statements without support. How exactly are you going to change the world? plans? goals? (more specific than "develop new technologies", you could talk about how/what kind of technologies/new aircrafts you could design, and how that will impact the world)

about your worries of exceeding the word limit, you can cut the essay a lot by taking out all the big talk and unecessary details (I would stay up late to see documentaries on TV.) unless they are really important to your thesis.