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I desire to become a leader; Brown U- Interest in Transfering



ksyar2001 2 / 6  
Jan 28, 2013   #1
Please tell us more about your interest in transferring: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply? (2000 characters)

Sitting along with 380 other Business Economics major students in a large lecture hall staring at one professor, I asked myself.
"Who am I?" I was afraid of losing my true identity in the crowd.
My ultimate goal is crystal clear; I desire to become a leader who is capable of incorporating the environment, human labor ethics, and business. So, at UCLA, I always desired to take more varieties of classes outside of the limited curriculum.

I realized that Brown University offers exactly what I desire, an open curriculum that will allow me to explore different areas from my concentration. I instantly fell in love with Brown because of this intriguing idea of taking not only math or economics classes, but also being able to take classes in environmental science, sociology and public policy.

Brown's academic environment clearly shows its attention and support for students with interests such as mine. I am eager to take advantage of Brown's tremendous academic opportunities to grow as a leader I desire to become.

Please critique this and tell me how to improve upon it.
Also, it would be wonderful if someone could check the grammar.
Thank you!

janajackson 4 / 9  
Jan 28, 2013   #2
Wow, you really got to it in such short characters. I love the fact that you didn't just write "gibberish." I honestly think that you did an amazing job!
OP ksyar2001 2 / 6  
Jan 28, 2013   #3
Thanks!

Anyone else for a critique?
yeseniapereyra 3 / 8  
Jan 30, 2013   #4
Hey

your ultimate goal, I think you are trying to say you want to be a leader who can draw from different perspectives and not just have the "business " eye as a leader...if that is the case try to make it clearer...otherwise I am not sure what you mean

what are the tremendous opportunities brown offers? because many school have tremendous opportunities, they just have different personalities..( I have a similar task as yours)

good luck!
lauman112233 5 / 14  
Feb 4, 2013   #5
I think its a pretty good essay but try to elaborate more about brown's open curriculum and what make Brown unique. Cheers!


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