Can anyone give me an opinion on this short response. I could use some positive feedback. Thank you!
Bad writer in need of help please :)
A. NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve their career goals. Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a definitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic interests? Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses. 1500 Characters
As a younger child living in rural Haiti all my scientific experiments consisted of observing small animals, such as dogs and bugs. It was not until I was in middle school that I began medical operations, such as bandaging people's injuries and attending CPR classes at Memorial Regional Hospital. My passion for biology, and science in general, began to thrive with the guidance of my mother, a middle school science teacher, and my father, who is an electrical engineer. While attending high school, I have frequently participated in many activities involving science, especially biology. I am a part of the National Honors Society, Environmental Club, and SECME a science engineering club. I volunteer at Memorial Hospital Miramar where I interact with the patients, clean their rooms, and help anyone that needs my assistants. For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to become a physician and help people. Also, living in a country where the hospitals are few and mediocre, and where few people are passionate about scientific makes me more aware importance of science. Hopefully, pursuing an education at NYU, and participating in some of the programs involving medicine, will enable me to reach my full potential in the science field and will ignite a greater desire in me to become a well distinguished individual.
Bad writer in need of help please :)
A. NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve their career goals. Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a definitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic interests? Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses. 1500 Characters
As a younger child living in rural Haiti all my scientific experiments consisted of observing small animals, such as dogs and bugs. It was not until I was in middle school that I began medical operations, such as bandaging people's injuries and attending CPR classes at Memorial Regional Hospital. My passion for biology, and science in general, began to thrive with the guidance of my mother, a middle school science teacher, and my father, who is an electrical engineer. While attending high school, I have frequently participated in many activities involving science, especially biology. I am a part of the National Honors Society, Environmental Club, and SECME a science engineering club. I volunteer at Memorial Hospital Miramar where I interact with the patients, clean their rooms, and help anyone that needs my assistants. For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to become a physician and help people. Also, living in a country where the hospitals are few and mediocre, and where few people are passionate about scientific makes me more aware importance of science. Hopefully, pursuing an education at NYU, and participating in some of the programs involving medicine, will enable me to reach my full potential in the science field and will ignite a greater desire in me to become a well distinguished individual.