"my determination and my creativity" - UCF ESSAY

Questions:

4.Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
3.What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

Determination and creativity, those are two of the many qualities that define me. With those two qualities I am sure that I can contribute plenty to the UCF community. Since I was a little girl I have been determined to be all that I could be. I was always the first one to turn in an assignment, or first to finish a test; and when it came to sports I even gained the nickname of "Little Miss Determined." As a child I played T-Ball, basketball, soccer, softball, and participated in cheerleading and gymnastics. In all those activities, I never once gave up - I was determined to succeed. My determination for success has been evident in my family history as well. My mother worked her way up from nothing and is now a beyond successful entrepreneur, owning two businesses and my father has worked his way up to being a Lieutenant with the Miami- Dade Police Department and the President of the Hispanic Police Officers Association. I am also a gift to my parents, who were told it would never be possible to have a kid. Determination created me and it runs through my blood.

Creativity is something I also possess that I can contribute to the UCF community. My creativity has definitely been eminent in my own community. I have organized plenty of community events for multiple non-profit organizations such as the Early Development of Global Education. Alongside organizing events, I have also assisted my co-workers in creating a curriculum for the pre-schoolers at the daycare I am employed at.

I chose to apply to UCF because I knew that in order to be successful it was crucial to attend a college that would provide a promising future and a powerful degree. Ever since my freshman year I have been in love with the arts and I knew being a Knight would provide me with the future that I have only been able to dream about. My goal is to double major in Music Production and Film. I know that double majoring is difficult, but with my determination and my creativity I will be able to do anything I set my mind to.

Hi! first off, this is a good essay with an easily seen theme. However, there are parts that seem disconnected or choppy.

Since I was a little girl, I have been determined to be all that I could be (Add a Comma)

I was always the first one to turn in an assignment, or first to finish a test (Remove)

the nickname of "Little Miss Determined." (Remove)

My mother worked her way up from nothing and is now a beyond successful entrepreneur, owning two businesses and my father has worked his way up to being a Lieutenant with the Miami- Dade Police Department and the President of the Hispanic Police Officers Association.

(It would be better if you separated the two thoughts)

I was also a gift to my parents, (change am to was)

It would be better if somehow you are able to combine or relate your determination to your creativity to make your ideas in your essay flow smoothly. Like relate in an instance how having determination fueled your creativity.

Your ending is good, but I think you can make it better. Don't just make it about the double major and how difficult it is, maybe think about how with your determination and creativity, your experience at UCF will be better or uplifted in a way, and show that with those two qualities, you will be able to offer a lot to UCF.

I hope it helps! Goodluck! :)