How's this?
Stanford is a good place for me because it's everything I've ever dreamed of put into one college, Stanford seems to be made for me (and 6,532 other undergraduates). Stanford is diverse, modern, big, and intellectually simulating. Deciding on a college, I knew that I wanted to go to Stanford, it is perfect, it has everything I have on my "must have list." A big campus, more than 10,000 people in total, a football team, is situated in California, a Water polo team, intellectually tough classes, ethnical diversity, a residential campus, a suburban setting, a research school focused on math and the sciences, and most importantly school spirit; most of which I have never been able to experience living in Honolulu, Hawaii and attending a small all-girl school.
After attending a very small all-girl school for six years I really want something different. I want to be at a big college with more opportunities, and I really want a full college experience. Stanford is perfect for me because it is accredited to be a school full of opportunity, classes of more than eight, and more classes than I can ever take. Stanford gives me options.
At La Pietra, I've signed up for challenging electives and taken three Advanced Placement courses because I like to push myself, I like to be surrounded by intelligent people to push me to do my very best and be competitive at an intellectual level. The vigorous courses will allow me to step out of my comfort zone, make me more than just any other student, and force me to struggle and become used to real life situations. Stanford's qualified and recognized professors and staff will also help me prepare for the "real world" after college.
Stanford is a good place for me because it's everything I've ever dreamed of put into one college; Standford seems to be made for me (and 6,532 other undergraduates).
maybe..??
Stanford is diverse, modern, big, and intellectually simulating
???
Stanford; it is perfect; it has everything I have on my
than 10,000 people in total
a football team, and is situated in California
read: "Big campus, more than 10,000 total people, football team, California, Water polo team, intellectually tough classes, ethnically diverse, residential campus, suburban setting, a research school focused on math and the sciences, and most importantly school spirit"
this makes no sense..
for six years, I really want difference
I want be at a big college with more opportunities
After this sentence, I don't think I should correct anymore.
I will tell you what you should do. First, don't use commas to deperate independent clauses. use . or ;
And don't start listing all the good things are about Stanford. Explain, show feelings, use voice!
And do not use contrations. "it is " is fine
Hope I helped.
