'our different human experiences' - USC academic interest paragraph

Please provide feedback! I'd like to submit the supplement ASAP. =]

As a child, I have always been intrigued and fascinated by all of our different human experiences. Although I have had the luxury of living in an upper middle class background, I have always felt that it was my intrinsic duty to connect with and be a voice for those who may not be heard. My diverse friendships with those from differing ethnic and racial backgrounds has allowed me to have clear and multiple perspectives on life and society. Because of this interest, I am hoping to pursue a bachelor's in Sociology from the University of Southern California. As I am particularly drawn to those in need, I plan to take courses in public policy so that I can have a more intimate understanding of the disenfranchised populations that I'll work with. I am also very drawn to sociological perspectives on the family and its changing definition, specifically minority families. Judith Stacey and Timothy J. Biblarz's academic article, "How Does the Sexual Orientation of Parents Matter?" solidified my interest even further, as it outlined the connections between children and parents within the family. After receiving my bachelor's, I want to earn my Ph.D in Sociology and eventually work on the government level, specifically providing an inclusive sociological perspective on how educational resources can be used to serve the needs of the community. To better connect with as many people as I possibly can, I hope to be able to take as many courses in foreign languages as my schedule allows, perhaps minoring in German. As there is a shortage of Sociologists in Europe, I would love to travel abroad and provide my skills as needed.

Very good, also very detailed

The sentense: "After receiving my bachelor's, I want to earn my Ph.D in Sociology and eventually work on the government level, specifically providing an inclusive sociological perspective on how educational resources can be used to serve the needs of the community."

it is a little bit of a run on. this is how i would rewrite it: After receiving my bachelor's I want to earn my Ph.D in Sociology and eventually work on the government level. Specifically providing an inclusive sociological perspective on how educational resources can be used to serve the needs of the community.

i removed the first comma after bachelors and made that one sentenced and started the second sentence with Specifically.

you could aso write it like this: After receiving my bachelor's i want to earn my Ph.D in Sociology and eventually work on the government level; specifically providing an inclusive sociological perspective on how educational resources can be used to serve the needs of the community.

Again I removed the first comma and put in a semicolon after government level because they are both two complete thoughs but the proper way would be connecting the two clauses with a semi colan vs a comma./

A thought is to change govenment levle with working with the government....that is just a thought.

"To better connect with as many people as I possibly can, I hope to be able to take as many courses in foreign languages as my schedule allows, perhaps minoring in German.."

Remove the comma after can. also you could reword the sentence as: I hope to be able to take as many foreign language courses as I can, perhaps minoring in German to better connect with as many people as I possibly can.

You probably already submitted this, but I'm hoping you haven't, because I think the prompt expects you to answer how you would pursue your interests in Sociology at USC. That's the key point. You HAVE to talk about why you want to study at USC, at least a sentence or two. Show them why they are important to you, and how they will help you. Otherwise I see no glaring flaws. Good luck!

Thank you guys! Edited and submitted today!