Different perception of HOME; Tufts - "Let Your Life Speak"

Hey guys, I'm generally satisfied with all my Tufts supplements except for this one.. I feel it's too generalized and just .. bland. Any and all suggestions will be appreciated! Thanks in advance!

1. There is a Quaker saying: ''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today.

I have acknowledged by now that the only way to achieve success is through hard work. Growing up in a home where everything I needed or wanted was provided for, I never recognized what my life of comfort and stability symbolized. 266 Sargent Road had always appeared to me as a starting point. My mind constantly revolved around the idea that escaping 266 Sargent Road was the only way I could truly succeed.

When my grandparents first moved into our house, I perceived their attitudes to be generally critical of my brother and I. "Look at your mother and father and where they have ended up. You and your brother should be even more successful with all that they have given you." I have heard this comment throughout my entire childhood up until today. I had never perceived it with any positive connotations before, as if my grandparents were consistently comparing me to my parents. I felt an immense amount of pressure to meet these expectations while being constantly reminded that I would owe my successes and achievements to my parents.

As I grew up, the perceptions that I had for my home changed dramatically. I recognized that the home I resided in held different meanings for everyone in my family. For my grandparents, my house represented the success they had in raising their children. My parents viewed my home as the fruits of their efforts. And myself? I see my home as a symbol for what hard work can achieve. I now recognize the foundation that my parents have selflessly provided for me. My home represents the potential successes that my future could hold if I modeled the determination and willpower that my parents had possessed.

maybe, it might be a bit clearer if you write what your parents do... I 'm guessing that they were pretty successful..

And instead of writing:
As I grew up, the perceptions that I had for my home changed dramatically. I recognized that the home I resided in held different meanings for everyone in my family.

was there a specific time period or event that changed your perceptions?
And the essay is not asking about the perceptions of ALL of your family members.. just yours.. Try to take out unneccessary parts so that you can have space to talk more about YOU!!!

Hope this helped!
I have to get starting on my tufts apps as well.. didn't really.... start.. hahaha...
i've been busy with my brown supplements.. if you have the time, it would be great if you can critique them for me.. just click on my name and the threads should pop up..

Hey, I also just posted this same question! haha

Ok. so.

Start with 266 Sargent Road had always appeared to me as a starting point. My mind constantly revolved around the idea that escaping 266 Sargent Road was the only way I could truly succeed.

It's a good hook that still makes your point. You then get a better understanding of why you wanted to leave your home in the next paragraph.

And I agree with Joosung. You definately must "show" the change more clearly. You do alot of "telling"(not good) in the last paragraph, especially. An example to show the change would make your piece stronger.

I hope this helped!
Please check out my Tufts supplement as well. : )