"all of the dimensions of the university" - Columbia Supplement

Question: Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why?

My appeal to Columbia stems from all of the dimensions of the university. The broad range of programs offered at Columbia drew me to the university because they give me the power to keep my options open. Columbia offers programs for both neuroscience and finance, and it is imperative to me to apply to a university which could offer excellent programs for the both the areas of study in which I plan to get a degree. Furthermore, I have an appeal to Columbia because of its location. Not only is New York a great place to live, but it is also a place which provides me the best opportunity to expand my network. I am drawn to Columbia because of its commitment to diversity; many universities try to highlight their diverse campuses, but Columbia has statistics to prove their commitment. I want to go to university in which I can be accepted for who I am, and not have to conform to anybody else's standards. The most important aspect of my appeal to Columbia comes from the university's support services for its students. Programs such as the Fellowship office, which guides the students towards earning grants and scholarships, and Higher Education Opportunity Program shows the university's commitment to unlock the potential of its students. I want to have a guarantee from the university I attend that they will put their maximum effort to get me to succeed in all my academic and career-oriented endeavors, and these programs highlight that guarantee for me.

Please let me know any feedback!
Thanks!

Hey man! Here's what I have to say:

I think the first two lines are a bit generic though; they could be said about any college and the prestigious Columbia University probably already knows that all of its dimensions are quite appealing. Start off general but not that general.

Also "it is imperative to me to apply to a university" seems like you're a computer application that's been programmed to do this. Change that up.

"Columbia has statistics to prove their commitment." This is another sentence which just sounds really...impersonal. You don't want to tell a college that you like its stats. Sure, the college boasts its numbers, but this sentence evokes a bad feeling. You know what I mean? Like you read it from their information handout and decided "yeah I'll talk about this in my essay".

The grammar is fine but you want to look out for any places where you make the school an object, like a playing card, even, that you have this compelling need to collect.

You should just focus on one subject you find most appealing. Perhaps elaborate more on the university's committment, and mention that first in your essay. You don't want to have that in the last portion of your essay because the purpose behind your essay is jumbled in a mix of ideas.

Hope that helps!

first, i agree with what ilovemath wrote.
personally, i approached this prompt by focusing on one aspect of columbia (when you get a chance, if you could look over my columbia supplement, that would be wonderful)

in terms of grammar/diction, i found these errors:

I want to go to a university in whichwhere I can be accepted for who I am, and not have to conform to anybody else's standards.

I want to have a guarantee from the university I attend that theyit will put theirits maximum effort to get me to succeed in all my academic and career-oriented endeavors, and these programs highlight that guarantee for me.

oh and you used "commitment" three times in your essay. i'd switch it up a bit, but it's your call.

Hey Nika,

I read your Columbia supplement essay and I have one suggestion for the essay, but the thread is closed. If you haven't already turned in your essay, lemme know and I can give you some feedback.