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"A diplomatic and open-minded writer" 100 word short answer about characteristics



mcgraves26 1 / 1  
Nov 11, 2010   #1
The application says to write about what specific characteristics I can bring to St. Louis University in 75-100 words. I'm not sure if I should include talents, or just talk about my personality traits that make me a desirable student. I would really appreciate suggestions.

So here's a very very rough draft. It isn't even less than 100 words yet. Please take a look and tell me what I can improve on. Thanks!

"I have a rich background, to say the least. In the past couple of years, I have become a proficient writer and particularly enjoy writing short stories and poems. I have even been published in Teen Ink magazine and have written for Louie magazine. I am very involved in athletic activities. I was on my school's varsity track team and cross country team for two years. Since the school year ended, I have been attending yoga classes every week as well as weight-lifting. I also enjoy being an active member of my school and was in five clubs this past year alone. I have a deep compassion for animals, which motivated me to start volunteering at the Wildlife Center of MO; I hope to continue working with animals during college. This summer I began working for a small pet-sitting company and have enjoyed it immensely. During my time in high school, I took three years of French and have thoroughly benefited from the language and the culture that comes with it. One of my best qualities is my receptiveness to new or different thoughts. My friends say I'm very diplomatic and open-minded to new experiences."

dxtania 2 / 2  
Nov 12, 2010   #2
the prompt says to write about specific characteristics, not just tell them to the reader. I think the most important thing you could do is show not tell. Hope that helps
OP mcgraves26 1 / 1  
Nov 18, 2010   #3
Thanks dxtania for responding. But just to get a little clarification (i'm hopeless at college essays), do you think I should give examples of how I demonstrate, say, persistence? Such as a situation in which I showed it?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 21, 2010   #4
"I have a rich background, to say the least. ----in some situation, it is okay to use a cliche to express an idea... but not here, and never "to say the least"!!! Ha ha, I am prejudiced against that phrase...

To make your writing excellent, prioritize. Strive for efficiency so that the reader does not have to work hard to get the info:
In the past couple of years, I have become a proficient writer and particularly enjoy writing short stories and poems. I have even been published in Teen Ink magazine and have written for Louie magazine. I am very involved in athletic activities. (when you say this is seems "non sequator" does-not-follow what you were just talking about... so... use a new paragraph for each topic. Well... I guess it is all related to the assertion that you have a rich background. But I think you can come up with a more interesting theme.

One of my best qualities is my receptiveness ... is it receptiveness or receptivity? I think maybe both are correct. I'm not sure...

Hey, this is really interesting! "working for a small pet-sitting company..."Cool... you could start a great business doing that I think...

:-)


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