pretty urgent... please help me out and every comment is appreciated!!! :)
Essay Option 3. Salt, governments, beliefs, and celebrity couples are a few examples of things that can be dissolved. You've just been granted the power to dissolve anything: physical, metaphorical, abstract, concrete...you name it. What do you dissolve, and what solvent do you use?
The cars, tightly stuck to the tilted ground, silently queue up in a line, as if they wouldn't move when the horizon turns over and sky becomes bottom. All buildings, regardless of height, stack together as a fearful crowd and grow up to the same direction. People creep along the surface of earth, busily coming and going, never able to leave that vast plane unless by plane. Every object in my eyes, both moving and still, is perfectly controlled by a mysterious power and functions under in orderly arrangement: gravity.
The idea of gravity extends out from the apple that Newton saw fall to his feet. He witnessed the apple being pulled towards the earth, just as we are pulled toward life's snares and trappings. The young study under the pressure of outside expectations, the old live with the worries of daily trifles. Under the restraint of our unbreakable destiny, we become fixed actors, skilled performers in bridging life's challenges. Some of us come to master the art of success, while others remain confused participants and get lost in the shuffle.
Their existences seem as reasonable and natural as gravity, and part of the necessities we live upon. However, this seemingly harmonious scene looks so ill, that I want to dissolve the gravity.
What if the world goes crazy and out of control? Apples "fall" toward the sky, water flows everywhere in drops, and televisions hit the wall and the roof. We can jump as high as want or dive to the bottom of oceans without pressure, for there is no law of gravity anymore.
Similarly, what if nothing pulls our mind anymore? No obstacles get in the way of our open space, no voices of authority interfere with those of our own, and no outside expectations follow as obligatory responsibilities. We are the only compass that leads to wherever the heart points, in our original sense of direction, for there is no force stronger than our will.
What if there is no such thing as bondage? Prices of housing, gasoline, or meat prison no slaves, established values of society set no rules for individuals, and educational regulations determine no limits of imagination. We overthrow the routine life, stop chasing after the numbers, and break the rhythm of stereotyped monotony, for there is no need to stay inside the lines.
What if fear doesn't silence and appease us? Gains and losses are not meticulously calculated for the sake of survival, while risks and dreams are taken to live a regretless and splendid life. We company with audacity to try things of novelty and make discords in the mainstream.
Without a physical solvent powerful enough, the earth may still turn around as usual. Stars rotating, universe enduring, our minimum entities may fade away in the enormous and immortal without trace.
But we can still break the gravity that constrains our mind and actions. All we need is bold courage, the courage of Columbus when he sailed across Atlantic Ocean under guidance of a star, that of John Lennon when he believed music would change the world, that of Forrest Gump when he tirelessly runs for life regardless despise from the world. Faith could be negligible when we think it is, but strong enough to dissolve gravity when we believe it.
Now, let's jump out of the earth surface, like a winged insect that waves his alas (right word? Or wings?) fiercely to the sky.
To be honest, the essay doesnt carry much impact, and adcom will not remember it.
Why do you want to dissolve gravity?? i means, as it is right now, you're just writing a roundabout essay on one sentence-- let's get away with gravity....maybe???
apple that Newton saw fall to his feet---Look this up. If i can remember correctly, the apple fell on his head.
no prices of housing, gasoline, meat prison or slaves.
It sounds like you are connecting the gravity metaphor to life's challenges. you use good vocabs but I feel you can explain more on the solute(gravity) and answer the prompt better.
for example, you talk about gravity but you do not give the solvent which is asked for in the prompt.
explain a little more on the physical gravity the move on to the metaphorical gravity.
overall, extremely well written and highly creative.
"that of Forrest Gump when he tirelessly runs for life regardless despise from the world"
Sentence is grammatically flawed. I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say there but be sure and correct that.
What is the solvent to dissolve gravity? And gravity in your essay is obviously metaphorical, which makes the essay broad and not very concrete. It strays a little from the prompt in my opinion.
Overall though I like it a lot, I think its creative and stimulating. I'm just not positive they were looking for something this broad... but if you feel they were then go for it. It's certainly well written.
Give me some feedback on my essay?