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"Diversity in kids" -Describe the world you come from MIT



deremifri 9 / 135  
Dec 26, 2011   #1
I will greatly value any form of feedback.
Please feel also free to tell me what impression this essay leaves with you.

Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

You know this clichéd image where kids of every race hold hands under a rainbow, smiling? Well, somehow this represents my childhood.
When I was ten my family lived in a social housing district, where most of the families were immigrants. There was a peaceful playground in our neighborhood where the kids went to play. Although we had different backgrounds and races we became very good friends because there was one thing that transcended all cultural barriers: Pokémon. Our parents were not really concerned about our education, but they wanted the kids to keep quiet, and so they bought us a game boy.

We boys would sit next to each other on a bench and play game boy, united by our love for the little creatures. Moreover, everybody could get emotional support if there had been another fight at home. If my childhood was a picture, it would be kids of different colors sitting smilingly on a bench with their game boys connected by a data cable.

To my great disappointment I noticed as a teenager that some Muslim teens in my football club had prejudices against me as a Jew, which made me realize that the relationship between cultures is not as simple as a child perceives it to be. However, I still have a strong love for diversity and looking back at the image of my childhood gives me hope that through cultural exchange every barrier can be brought down.

makman09 9 / 86  
Dec 26, 2011   #2
I love your essay. The beginning made me LOL. I was also hooked when you said you were united by Gameboy and Pokemon. The essay is great!

that the relationship between cultures is not as simple as

add "different" before cultures to make it logical

Other than that, the essay is unique. I really like it. You have a fine blend of reality and fantasy on cultural boundaries: How an innocent child sees it and how someone older sees it.

Good luck with college app!

Oh, and can you give my Cornell Human Ecology Essay a read?
DMA17 8 / 27  
Dec 26, 2011   #3
Wow! this is really well written. Besides the comment given above, I cannot seem to find anything else wrong with it.

Well maybe here: We boys would sit next to each other on a bench and play game boy, united by our love for the little creatures. I don't know if you meant to say game boy, but I think it would make more sense if you had Pokemon.

Again, well-written essay!
SeniorMel 7 / 44  
Dec 26, 2011   #4
I like this essay and it definitely catches my attention.
mohamed459 9 / 27  
Dec 27, 2011   #5
Its very well written, but I'd recommend that when you wrote To my great disappointment, however , to show a transition in a way. Other than that I thought it was a really good essay
Vvarsha 4 / 8  
Dec 27, 2011   #6
I think this essay is great it has a good hook, but i would talk more about the issues on your football team.
Walden 2 / 30  
Dec 27, 2011   #7
I love the essay but one thing these kind of schools look for is how your backround affects your intellectual curiosity, if you fit that in there this will be a great essay to submit.

BTw the rainbow thing is hilaious because ive seen that picture with badly drawn children under a rainbow that is not colored in correctly all over the walls of almost every preschool ive seen LOL can you look over my revised versions of my whats important essay plus the flowers essay under the roommate one


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