Thank you in advance for critique and help!
The ten minutes pass by, but you barely notice. The machine sings a celebratory jingle. A phlebotomist wraps brightly colored gauze by your elbow, and you are treated to sweet and savory snacks at a nearby table. For anyone who isn't scared of needles, donating blood is a rewarding way to give back to your community. Growing up, I remember seeing the notes my mom and dad would leave on Saturday mornings - "Donating blood, see you soon, love you!" I also remember being a terrified and excited sixteen year old, sitting with my mom and waiting for my turn to donate blood for the first time. There is a certain sense of pride instilled in you, and the sky blue or hot pink gauze is worn like a badge of honor for many. It isn't a lot, but I see donating blood as a personal responsibility for individuals who need it to live.
Because I was constantly in an environment where donating was seen as such a wonderful, selfless act, I am constantly spreading the word to my friends about upcoming blood drives, trying to convince them to give up an hour of their time to help a stranger in need. I know for a fact that my apparent need to spread the word about blood donation will not disappear when I leave my hometown. Blood drives can be intimidating. I understand the anxiety that sterile, medical procedures can induce in others. To this day, I can't bring myself to look at my arm as the process takes place. But hearing about it from someone who has experience and knowledge on the topic can dispel the unnerving rumors surrounding it.
My story is a story that I can bring to Rutgers and share with others to encourage them to step outside of their comfort zone and help patients in need. But naturally, my story is not the only one. On all three Rutgers campuses, thousands of individuals from across New Jersey, across the country, and across the world meet to discuss their opinions, ideas, and narratives. No two students are alike at Rutgers - and this allows for a very real sense of community and belonging. But more importantly, it encourages dialogue between many people whose stories would have never intertwined under other circumstances. Rutgers creates an open forum for students to exchange I have a lot to give, but I also have a lot to learn.
Every 56th day, I wake up with a small smile on my face, thankful that I am healthy enough to perform this service for others, and determined to make a difference in my community, no matter how small it seems at the time. And I know that I am not the only person who has an experience like this. A passionate sense of community lies within every person; it just takes time to understand how it manifests. Right now, my sense of community lies in donating blood. I know that at this moment, someone else is writing an essay about their similar passion for a completely different service. At Rutgers, I am confident that I will meet this kindred spirit, and I am confident that there will be many meaningful discussions to be had.
"raised in an environment"...where donating "is" seen...
I think the last paragraph is good tying together your thoughts about what you can contribute to the rutgers community but perhaps in the other two paragraphs, you can try to expand a little and talk about how important community service is to you..etc
(take a look at my rutgers essay if you get a chance please!)
