Hey guys! I was wondering if anybody could help me out with my Georgetown University essay?? The prompt is: Please submit a brief essay, either personal or creative, which you feel best describes you: I was planning on using my Common App essay but i don't know if it sounds too immature/childish or even covers the theme of this prompt...so any help and feedback is GREATLY appreciated!!! Also, it's only supposed to be about a page, so any ideas on what I can edit/cut out?? thanx so much in advance :~)
Truth Lies in the Eyes of the Acceptor
Essay by Varsha Yerram
So there's this girl. You've examined her application, but do you really know her? You may know she is a hard worker and she dreams of achieving her utmost potential as an individual, but does that really count as knowing her? I'll tell you a little bit about her. Then, you decide.
She is seventeen and has known her parents for only twelve years. She was born in Langhorne, Pennsylvania, but flew when she was just six months old to live in India with her widowed grandmother and great-grandmother, because her immigrant parents' incomes could barely pay rent, let alone support her. Her parents missed all the firsts of their first-born child's life--from thumb sucking to first steps and first birthday--as they worked day in and day out to provide for her overseas.
The girl has had hard times, especially at home. Her relationship with her parents was nonexistent for the first quarter of her life as they were separated by continents, and as she was suddenly introduced to their lives at the age of five, these distant beings called mother and father finally became her very own "mom" and "dad." From language barriers and loneliness to caste systems and loss of identity, she has had to make countless decisions about the "big stuff" on her own. She has had to deal with the financial troubles of a low-income immigrant family, the constant strive to find unconditional acceptance, and not to mention all the drama that is prerequisite to being a teenager.
*****
Surprise, surprise, I am this girl! But don't worry; my life has by no means been all so disrupted. I play an active role at school, serving as the president of the Science Competitions Club and cofounder of the feminist organization Pennies for Peace. I seek to open up the art of dialogue through my writing as a member of the Writing Fellows. I spend my summers perfecting my martial arts techniques in the dojo and practicing Indian classical dance, and this year I spent my free time at Goodwill Fire Company training to be certified as an EMT.
This past summer I was granted observational privileges in the OBGYN department of Chambersburg Hospital, located in a downtown part of southern Pennsylvania which serves low income families. For two wonderful weeks I had access to patient charts, bright green scrubs, ugly Crocs, the pungent odor of iodine, screaming women, and the magnificently lit territory of the operating room. As I weaved my way in and out of as many patient rooms as I could, looking at cervixes at seven in the morning, learning the art of maintaining bedside manner as patients in labor crumpled my hand, and finally witnessing the miracle of birth itself, I felt like a free bird with an aerial view of all the perks, progresses, and endless stream of problems in medicine.
Amidst all the chaos and mind boggling chronicles, the theme of acceptance seemed to ignite itself in every patient chart. The hospital is not the only place acceptance is necessary to accommodate the wide range of maladies common to human existence. Acceptance also breeds solutions. From working with a Hispanic surrogate mother, confused teenage mothers, and countless single mothers dealing with the stress of another child's mouth to feed, encounters with a versatile pool of women have exposed me to diversity of thought, of application, and an unconditional love that helps one to keep calm and carry on. Through getting to know people of different backgrounds and appearances both in and out of this hospital, I learned that there may be countless schisms dividing humanity, but nevertheless we are all breathing organisms sharing the common goal of surviving this test called life. These women; doctors, nurses, grandmothers and mothers alike, have subconsciously allowed me to grow up at this hospital.
For many years, people have been throwing terms like "mature" and "responsible" at me, but only now do I understand the breadth of these words. I am responsible for my actions, my successes and my accomplishments, my failures and my mistakes, my hopes, hurdles, dreams, and the path by which I choose to reach them.
Looking at my application, there are still many things you won't know about me. My name means rain in my dialect, Telugu. I always try to come up with different homonyms in my mind when I go running. I dream of food. I dream in black and white. And sometimes I dream of food in black and white. I love meteor showers, thunderstorms, fireplaces, and the smell of mint toothpaste. I don't understand baseball. And I believe in true love! I know one pair of socks can be worn multiple times, but four times might be pushing it. Occasionally I like to make believe that I am Buzz Lightyear from "Toy Story," destined to '"infinity and beyond.'" I secretly believe I was put on this earth to be a great hip-hop dancer. I swear by true friends; they are angels in disguise. I also think 17 year olds should not be judged for owning eight pairs of footie pajamas. And snow days rock!
It occurs to me that one can learn a great deal by moving from place to place. So my life has taken a crooked trail. Nevertheless, as I continue on this path to what lies ahead, I fervently believe - and invite you to do the same - that life is what one makes it out to be, and we are the authors of our own fate. I cry a river sometimes, and sometimes I laugh till my intestines hurt. Despite my vibrant salad of emotions, and my moments of frustration, I am vigilant. Believe me, I know, many times you'll be ready to break down and quit, but you will reap the rewards of your hard work and looking back, personal growth will make every trial and tribulation worth it.
Why do they call it "acceptance" anyway? I am not applying to college to be accepted for being who I am. I am applying to college to be given the chance to further evolve into the best version of myself. Whether rejected or admitted, I already accept myself.
Varsha Yerram
Hi there, thanks for your comments of my post. I rewrite your experience. i love your story. hopefully, you will not feel offensive. If I really do, please accept my apology.
A seventeen-year-old girl from India, granted observational privileges in the OBGYN department of Chambersburg Hospital, Pennsylvania, tries hard to live and weaves in and out in the patient rooms until a woman in labor crumpled her hand. A quick and pungent pain falls on her, but none of which cannot be compared to the emptiness and loneness of the first quarter of her life without the company of her parents. That is the destiny of an immigrant family. A couple, who can barely afford the rent in America, leaves a six-month-old child to their widowed mother, making it to grow alone at the bottom of the caste system. Her life was so disrupted and distressful until she sees the woman under the light in the operation room. The sweet crying sound of the baby makes her like a flying bird, with aerial view covering the whole down below. She is a freeman now. She leads how life is filled with chaos and confusion; lives, still, will find the way out.
Living through the darkness as a child, Telugu, given the same name as 'rain' in India dialect, is now more actively communicative with people. Diligent doctors performing unique operation, busy nurses caring for every detail and anesthetized patients waiting on the bed, all friends in the hospital have their own stories, teaching and supplying her with chances to grow up. To accept who she was, and try to seize every single day in her life, that is how she views this world now. In the path of human life, they might stumble, taking the wrong route. Sometime they might come across a jam. But never mind, they will ultimately approach the ends. Bitter or sweet, it always need yourself to create and taste.
So there's this girl. You've examined her application, but do you really know her? You may know she is a hard worker and she dreams of achieving her utmost potential as an individual, but does that really count as knowing her? I'll tell you a little bit about her. Then, you decide.
I like the quirkiness, too, but if it is over the word limit this is what needs to be cut. Without these sentences, the reader will still appreciate everything just as much. These sentences are almost disrespectful, because they presume that the reader does not have an open mind. So... that is what I think you should cut! :-)
For two wonderful weeks I had access to patient charts, bright green scrubs, ugly Crocs, the pungent odor of iodine, screaming women, and the magnificently lit territory of the operating room.
Great job, you are cool...
Let's use " " here:
My name means "rain" in my dialect, Telugu.
...sometimes I dream of food in black and white. --Ha ha, no matter what happens with this application process, your writing ability ensures that you have great achievements in your future, I think! :-)
