Hi this is my common app essay for choosing own topic! my topic is drawing and painting. can someone please give me some suggestions? please feel free to be as brutally critical as possible!
"Stop drawing those thousand year old animals! No one can compare your drawing to a real dinosaur no matter how good you think it is!" My dad shouted while shaking the homework page with my latest doodle drawn on the back. I wanted to correct him - the agile Daemonosarus I drew lived 250 million years ago in the Triassic era, but my words died in my throat as I watched, through teary, 8 year old eyes, my dinosaur dismembered by my father's hands.
I loved to draw. For me drawing captured many things that I could not keep with me - nature, people, and feelings. I drew airplanes because of my grandma. My grandmother had visited us and stayed with us for a long time. When she left, we accompanied her to the boarding gate, avoiding sensitive topics to stop the sad mood from spreading. Watching her disappear into the jet cabin, I burst into tears. I ran up to the window yearning to stop the plane. I knew I could not stop her. But I drew the airplane, hoping that the airplane may return with her tomorrow... Since then, I could not count how many airplanes I drew.
With time, the variety of drawings increased with my expansion of knowledge. When world history class introduced me to the medieval times, I became fascinated with warriors of epics like the Iliad and the Chinese Water Margin. I admired a warrior's righteousness, loyalty, courage, humor and sympathy to the weak. In the wake of my obsession, I drew knights with charging lances defending their countries; Asian warriors brandishing swords, fighting for justice; Greek warriors locking shields and fighting for the weak, all aggregated into a long scroll, which hangs on my wall as a reminder when I am down and worn out.
On my junior year, my family visited Yellowstone National Park. I was electrified by the eerie, grave beauty every life in Yellowstone emitted. I marveled at all that seemed ugly but beautiful; dead but alive, one moment a bare, twisted branch, next moment a gracefully agile snake frozen in time. I saw a young embryo sprouting from an unpleasantly pungent cow pie. I saw forest brimming full of life juxtaposed with scorched black debris of death. - They were all, in a sense, so beautiful. I had a creative impulse to pick up my brush and retain its charm. Painting landscape gave me a sense of euphoria - a wave of happiness that overtook all sense and awareness, bringing peace to the mind. Perhaps because I'm deeply moved by natural harmony of life and death, perhaps I enjoyed spiritual freedom. Or perhaps I'm satisfied with my recreation of beauty.
Drawing and painting has traveled with me since childhood. Their bittersweet natures have allowed me to taste success and brought me confidence. When failed in a piece of artwork, they taught me how to deal with frustration - Each time I made a mistake, I started over again and again until it was to my satisfaction. I will continue to draw, in college, what I see and what I imagine.
Love your topic and intro's first line. I think its great, good use of vocab, great sentences of different lengths. The essay tells what you like to do and what your aspirations are.