I am finishing up my final application for college and the essay topic was "describe yourself in 250-500 words."
I need some proof-reading and any advice you have to offer. I don't even know if I really even wrote about what they wanted. Sometimes I tend to go off on tangents and completely miss the point of the topic.
Here is my essay:
On October 28, 1994, in Seminole, Florida, a dream came true; Matthew and Susan were blessed with their second baby girl. Living in that same city, eighteen years later, that child is me, a unique girl dying to get out of Florida so she can show the world that of which she is capable.
Living in Florida my entire life, I have developed a love for the ocean. Fascinated by the other world that exists beneath the surface, one of my favorite hobbies is scuba diving. My favorite animals are sharks and stingrays. I am, however, a kind of contradiction. Being a Floridian that loves the ocean, you would imagine I love going to the beach and have an impressive tan. Not at all. I tend to avoid the beach and my skin color is closer to that of a Canadian than a Floridian. Because it's difficult to be out on the water every day, I fostered some other interests on shore. I played volleyball for about eight years until I herniated my disc at 16 years old and had to have back surgery to correct it. Now, most of my time is spent volunteering at the Pinellas Association for Retarded Children, working a full-time job, or studying for my rigorous classes.
But I am more than just my hobbies. What makes me unique is my personality, my dreams, my fears. I have people often describe me as always happy and smiling, kind-hearted, and easy-going. My easy-going attitude is because of my favorite quote, "Diamonds are made under pressure." I love to challenge myself and attempt tasks that others believe to be too difficult; this results in a lot of pressure that, at times, can be overwhelming. I remind myself that without extreme amounts of pressure, we would not have one of the most precious and beautiful stones in the world. This allows me to use the pressure to my advantage and let my life shine.
My dream is to become a trauma surgeon in North Carolina. While some people hate setting foot in a hospital, I get that warm fuzzy feeling as if I am at home. I understand the road to becoming a successful surgeon is not an easy one but because I am hardworking and motivated, I am confident that I would be successful. Sometimes, when people have big dreams like becoming a surgeon, their biggest fear is failing; my biggest fear is being tickled. Unusual, I know. But hey, that's what makes me me.
While I have a lot to offer, I still have a lot of room to grow and improve myself. That's why I think UNCG and I would be a perfect match. My leadership skills and outgoing personality would positively contribute to the college environment while UNCG would not only get me out of Florida, but I believe it has the tools and resources I need to grow and be the best I can be.
I need some proof-reading and any advice you have to offer. I don't even know if I really even wrote about what they wanted. Sometimes I tend to go off on tangents and completely miss the point of the topic.
Here is my essay:
On October 28, 1994, in Seminole, Florida, a dream came true; Matthew and Susan were blessed with their second baby girl. Living in that same city, eighteen years later, that child is me, a unique girl dying to get out of Florida so she can show the world that of which she is capable.
Living in Florida my entire life, I have developed a love for the ocean. Fascinated by the other world that exists beneath the surface, one of my favorite hobbies is scuba diving. My favorite animals are sharks and stingrays. I am, however, a kind of contradiction. Being a Floridian that loves the ocean, you would imagine I love going to the beach and have an impressive tan. Not at all. I tend to avoid the beach and my skin color is closer to that of a Canadian than a Floridian. Because it's difficult to be out on the water every day, I fostered some other interests on shore. I played volleyball for about eight years until I herniated my disc at 16 years old and had to have back surgery to correct it. Now, most of my time is spent volunteering at the Pinellas Association for Retarded Children, working a full-time job, or studying for my rigorous classes.
But I am more than just my hobbies. What makes me unique is my personality, my dreams, my fears. I have people often describe me as always happy and smiling, kind-hearted, and easy-going. My easy-going attitude is because of my favorite quote, "Diamonds are made under pressure." I love to challenge myself and attempt tasks that others believe to be too difficult; this results in a lot of pressure that, at times, can be overwhelming. I remind myself that without extreme amounts of pressure, we would not have one of the most precious and beautiful stones in the world. This allows me to use the pressure to my advantage and let my life shine.
My dream is to become a trauma surgeon in North Carolina. While some people hate setting foot in a hospital, I get that warm fuzzy feeling as if I am at home. I understand the road to becoming a successful surgeon is not an easy one but because I am hardworking and motivated, I am confident that I would be successful. Sometimes, when people have big dreams like becoming a surgeon, their biggest fear is failing; my biggest fear is being tickled. Unusual, I know. But hey, that's what makes me me.
While I have a lot to offer, I still have a lot of room to grow and improve myself. That's why I think UNCG and I would be a perfect match. My leadership skills and outgoing personality would positively contribute to the college environment while UNCG would not only get me out of Florida, but I believe it has the tools and resources I need to grow and be the best I can be.
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