Dear all, this is my NYU Supplement. Pls do help me check/edit, especially grammatically. Really need help for grammar but any help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Why NYU? (1500 characters)
When I was young, I had a dream: get into NYU. I didn't know much about NYU then; not about the array of programs it offers, not about its impressive rankings and certainly not about how selective and distinguished it is. What I do know is NYU's reputation in embracing diversity and celebrating differences. This together with the fact that NYU is located in the heart of the world in New York City is enough to convince me that NYU is my dream school. When I grow up, I did my fair share of research on NYU and congratulate my younger self on my good taste and remind my future self to hold on to this dream. I did hold on to this dream. I held on when my father lost his job in the 2008 economic crisis and all my hopes of going to NYU seem to diminish, I held on when I was barred from attending my classes in school because of outstanding fees, and I held on to this dream to enter NYU when my family rebuild our lives. Today, I am still holding on to my dream to enter NYU. However, now I have a better understanding of the opportunities that NYU offer including excellent quality in education and research, various global campuses, progressive approach on liberal arts education and NYU's constant advancement. But my need to get into NYU is fueled not only by what NYU can provide me. Instead I am also driven by a need to repay NYU for being a dream that kept me holding on for more than a decade and I hope for a chance to be a part of this institution that help others in achieving their dreams.
When I grow up, I did my fair share of research on NYU and congratulate my younger self on my good taste and remind my future self to hold on to this dream. This sentence is quite difficult to follow, I would encourage you to simplify it.[ /font] I did hold on to this dream. I held on when my father lost his job in the 2008 economic crisis and all my hopes of going to NYU seem to diminish; I held on when I was barred from attending my classes in school because of outstanding fees; and I held on to this dream to enter NYU when my family rebuild our lives.
But overall, it's a good essay! I'm applying to NYU too, I wish you best of luck!
Please help with my Common App personal statement? Any comments are greatly appreciated! :)
this essay is so good, honestly it is actually really good
please help me with mine too :)
good luck!
Do you think I should add in more about the uni and the programs? Is this too vague and too unrelated? Help, pls!
Pls pls help me with my nyu supp! will return the favor, i promise.
Dear all, this is my NYU Supplement. Pls do help me check/edit, especially grammatically. Really need help for grammar but any help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
2) Regardless of whether or not you have an intended major or concentration, please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice. (1500 characters)
For people like me that have interests that are apparently so different that they cannot possibly reconcile with each other, the major of International Relations (IR) is indeed heaven-sent as it allows us much diversity and dimensions in our area of studies. Since I was a child, I have loved the humanities subject that encompasses domain like the beautiful world of literature, the equitable Law that serves as a pillar of society, the examination of societies in sociology and a wealth of other interests. I have come a long way from that seven years old me but my passion for these compelling subjects remain.
Therefore, IR in NYU campus at New York realized this need of mine to have variety in my academic pursuits and presents me with many opportunities to explore my fields of interests. This is because this strategic and unique institution allows me prospects that no other universities can, including but not limited to: studying Economics in one of the main financial centers in the world where many international businesses and corporations are based; appreciating the rich history and the undeniable progress of the city since Giovanni da Verrazzano's visit to this prolific place in the 16th century; learning and conversing in languages that I may not even know exist because of the sheer diversity of this beautiful city and continuing my study on Law and American Legal System at its judicial district and in the other courts that New York houses.
ps: still in need of an ending but this is the draft so far
Pls help me and thanks!
In the beginning, describe why did you want to get into NYU? You said yourself you didn't know much about the school when you were young, so what created such appeal? Also you mixed up the tenses a few times and it makes it confusing. Figure out which should be in past tense, etc. "When I grew up, I figured out ____"
2. Try to condense the first sentence a little, it's long.
Your diction is good but try to make it sound more interesting
In the first paragraph I really liked the dynamism..I really enjoyed it and it fully shows your perseverance and determination which is a good presentation of yourself.
I think you should find a better and incisive end for the second essay..
Hope this helps a bit!!
Can you please check my "Amherst essay" or "why Upenn"??
1- Try condensing that whole thing and add certain qualities of NYU that will help you achieve your dream
2-Why are those attributes of important to you.
Help on my UPENN essay please.
When I growgrew up
and try to add more about how NYU can get you to where you want to be
heart of the world in New York City is enough to convince me
change to
heart of the world, New York City, is enough to convince me
When I grow up, I did my fair share of research on NYU and congratulate my younger self on my good taste and remind my future self to hold on to this dream.
^ not sure if you should say this, it seems contrived and like you're trying really hard to flatter nyu :P
I for my part like the younger self part, since flattering in a joke is not that bad.
However, the first essay says many words about the economic situation,
but despite their being interesting they do not tell Why NYU
And I do not know about the repay NYU about being a dream part
Overall you use dream a little to much for my taste.
2.
Dont use that many thats in the first sentence.
Do not say including but not limited to. It sounds not exactly passionate.
Do not make the last part a listing of particips. It drives away the strength of those sentences.
By the way, mind checking out my essay?
I think your passion for NYU really shows in the first essay which is very important. I agree with jonnyboy about condensing the first sentence. Good Luck.
seven years old me...maybe...i'm not sure though. say the full sentence out loud. i think it sounds better without the s.
i really like it though, much better than the first draft. if you can please take a look at my princeton essay please.
For your second essay, be more realistic about your passion for the humanities subject. Obviously, a 7 year was not aware of the "equitable Law that serves as a pillar of society" (Or maybe I'm wrong and I'm just making false assumptions. Forgive me)
You mention how you've come a long way from that age. Maybe include something like this:
"what a 7-year old would know about humanities" develops into "what you currently know about humanities, now that you matured"
Do you know what I mean?
Don't hesitate to challenge my suggestions.
Good Luck on your application to NYU
1.
What I dodid know is NYU's reputation in embracing diversity and celebrating differences. This together with the fact that NYU is located in the heart of the world in New York City iswas enough to convince me that NYU is my dream school. When I growgrew up, I did my fair share of research on NYU and congratulate my younger self on my good taste and remind my future self to hold on to this dream.
Make sure you keep in past tense the reasons that you loved NYU as a child. Look at your verbs - make sure they agree with the time you're referring to.
2.
Start with explaining your true, deep interests, then say the first sentence. I felt confused, jumping in to your major without knowing your intentions.