'Duke Chapel and my academic ambitions' - Duke Trinity Essay

Please critique my essay :) Any advice / comments /suggestions are welcome. Thanks!!

(For Arts and Sciences Applicants Only) If you are applying to Trinity College of Arts and Sciences, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular at Duke that attracts you? Please limit your response to one or two paragraphs.

Although my visit to the Duke campus was brief, I immediately fell in love with its uniqueness. Its majestic Gothic architecture combined with its modern facilities created a sense of equilibrium between both tradition and innovation that reminded me of the district of Miraflores, where I lived during my early years. Located in Durham, a culturally diverse city in which the Latino and international population is growing, Duke would enable me to enrich my cultural and social experience. In respect to academics, Duke offers an exclusive academic advising program, an Economics Student Union, funding for civic engagement experiences through Duke Engage, and opportunities to study abroad through its Global Education Office which would allow me to excel in Economics, the major I have chosen to follow. The Duke Economics program, in addition to teaching the fundamentals of micro/macroeconomics, offers courses that deal with International Economics, Growth, and Development which I would pursue as I wish to help Peru with its economic issues someday.

Duke also offers one a wide range of athletic, cultural, and communal activities that fit my interests. I see myself as a spirited Blue Devil playing soccer for Duke, participating in K-Ville, and cheering for its athletes. I see myself in Mi Gente, providing a Peruvian perspective, learning from the other Latin American cultures, and raising awareness about them on campus. I see myself studying with other fellow students at the Bryan Center, exercising in one of its recreation centers, or praying in the beautiful Duke Chapel. Duke is the perfect fit for my academic ambitions; it is where I will be able to grow socially, culturally, and athletically. I am sure Duke is the place where I will be able to reach my fullest potential and achieve my very best.

Although my visit to the Duke campus was brief, I immediately fell in love with its uniqueness. Its majestic Gothic architecture combined with its modern facilities created a sense of equilibrium between both tradition and innovation that reminded me of the district of Miraflores, where I lived during my early years. Located in Durham, a culturally diverse city in which the Latino and international population is growing, Duke would enable me to enrich my cultural and social experience. In respect to academics, Duke offers an exclusive academic advising program, an Economics Student Union, funding for civic engagement experiences through Duke Engage, and opportunities to study abroad through its Global Education Office which would allow me to excel in Economics, the major I have chosen to follow. The Duke Economics program, in addition to teaching the fundamentals of micro/macroeconomics, offers courses that deal with International Economics, Growth, and Development which I would pursue as I wish to help Peru with its economic issues someday.

Duke also offers one a wide range of athletic, cultural, and communal activities that fit my interests. I see myself as a spirited Blue Devil playing soccer for Duke, participating in K-Ville, and cheering for its athletes. I see myself in Mi Gente, providing a Peruvian perspective, learning from the other Latin American cultures, and raising awareness about them on campus. I see myself studying with other fellow students at the Bryan Center, exercising in one of its recreation centers, or praying in the beautiful Duke Chapel. Duke is the perfect fit for my academic ambitions; it is where I will be able to grow socially, culturally, and athletically. I am sure Duke is the place where I will be able to reach my fullest potential and achieve my very best.

I like how you enexpectedly combined Latin culture with economics. It is a good essay, especially considering how brief it is. I do not have anything negative to say about it =)

This is really quite good. You list a lot of specific details about Duke, rather than talking in generalities, as most applicants do. Your first paragraph seems a bit random, though. You could probably fix that by splitting it into two paragraphs, one that deals with Duke's diversity, and one that deals with its Economics program. You'd then only need to rearrange things a bit to make sure each paragraph was unified by a clear topic sentence, much as your second paragraph currently is.

Thanks for your feedback. since it sets two paragraphs as the limit i guess ill move things around to fix the 1st paragraph. :)

Ah, I hadn't really noticed the two paragraph requirement. Still, you are clearly dealing with two separate aspects of Duke in the first paragraph, and merely running together what should be two separate paragraphs into one isn't going to fool anyone. Perhaps you could work with the usefulness of attending a campus that celebrates diversity when you plan to look at *international* economics? It's not the most original approach to the topic, but it will allow you to merge your two points fairly quickly and naturally.