Common app: Please write an essay (250 words minimum) on a topic of your choice or on one of the options listed below. This personal essay helps us to become acquainted with you as a person and student, apart from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself.
A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
UC app:
Prompt #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Prompt #2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
i actually don't know if this would fall under the prompts of the uc app, so if you could advise me on whether or not they fit under the questions, that would be great, or how to tweak them to fit?
I eat fish. I eat raw fish. Cold, slippery flesh, perfectly seasoned with nothing at all. I like eating this somewhat bizarre cuisine; in fact, I love it. There is nothing more divine than a sweet, succulent piece of salmon with maybe a dab of wasabi or a shower of soy sauce. To me sushi is not only for sustenance it has taught me a valuable life lesson.
I vividly remember my first encounter of animosity towards my favorite food at a young age. Sitting on the playground with some of my best friends, confiding in each other, our secrets were no longer our own, but each other's. Our chat took what seemed to be a casual turn, our favorites-- our favorite ice cream flavor, our favorite animals, and then our favorite foods. The answers were all generic: pizza, hot dogs, hamburgers, spaghetti, each one an American staple, but then it was my turn. I didn't have to think hard; I was in a group of my peers, but it was a decision that I would soon regret. Proudly and confidently I stated that I loved sushi. Quick to judge, all of the girls "my friends" gave a stare. Each face morphed into a grimace of disgust. I was alone in the world.
I was officially "different". No one understood my love for sushi, because no one would give it a chance. I remember crying bitter tears that day, because not only had they rejected my taste in food; they had built a prejudice against me that I was not about to forget. This sudden taste of "discrimination" had hit me harder than anything I had ever encountered before.
I was born in America, I speak English, but through and through I am Korean. My love for sushi was instilled in me by my parents, and through this love I truly felt my Asian roots.
The next day, we all sat at the lunch table. I was, once again, among my peers. Opening up my favorite purple lunchbox, with my name in thick black letters, I popped open the lid of a small plastic container. Inside was a beautiful array of sushi. My mouth watered. Once again my friends gave me stares, some snickered, but I just thought to myself; their loss. I basked in the frowns and stares, confident in my heritage and myself-an American with Korean ancestors. When I realized I had the confidence to embrace my differences, I not only accepted myself, but I accepted the things in life that I cannot change and I love myself for it. I never thought that something as little as a slice of fish could affect me in such a big way.
i don't really like the ending. i had someone edit it and i feel like a lot of it is generally repetitive and some parts are not clear. if any parts need clarification please comment or ask. i need all the feedback i can get. :)
btw the bold is me talking LOLS
It is an endearing piece. I like it a lot. I don't think that it fits the first prompt because it doesn't tie into dreams or aspirations. It would work for the second prompt though--if you made a quick tie in with pride.
Some quick thoughts before I really must go to bed (it is a school night here):
The period should go inside of the quotation marks in the US.
When you talk about the American staples--pizza, spaghetti, hot dogs, hamburgers--and then call them generic, it feels judgemental to me. You could reword this to simply say that the other kids' favorites were expected, commonplace, predictable, everyday, conventional, familiar, standard ... any another word that doesn't have the same negative connotations as generic.
The quick turn from crying bitter tears to basking in frowns and stares is a little abrupt for me. It is the word basking that is throwing me off. It conveys too much pleasure.
The quick turn from crying bitter tears to basking in frowns and stares is a little abrupt for me. It is the word basking that is throwing me off. It conveys too much pleasure.
^Yes. I feel like this is the main problem in your essay. There is no event that brings you to your realization that your culture is great despite what others may think.
I was born in America, I speak English, but through and through I am Korean. My love for sushi was instilled in me by my parents, and through this love I truly felt my Asian roots.
^You try to use this as a transition but it does not explain how you overcame discrimination.
I havn't seen an essay like this in a long time. I read an exellent one about cheese awhile ago...
Anyway, good essay.
You have a good hook that keeps the reader reading. However, as you have said, it doesn't really answer any of the prompts. You will need to do a little twist, for instance, saying how "going against all odds" "aspires you to challenge the prejudice against immigrants and how you become a professional linguistic in English and Korean" kind of stuffs.
