'eating home-style Chinese food' - Future Roommate Essay

Well, future roommate, it's going to be an exciting year, isn't it? Just you and me against a world of upperclassmen. But don't worry, we can conquer it together. For starters, we should get to know each other; it'd be a start to an enduring and warm companionship.

Since we've both been accepted to Stanford, I'm going to put it out there; one of the many reasons I am enamored with this university is because I love the weather here. It may seem a little superficial, but how can I study if I'm frozen by winter chills? I can handle rain, but anything below freezing is a stretch. Plus, my dad used to live in San Jose, which is real close to Stanford, so I've visited the area a few times, and I love it. Hey, how about you and me go to the beach sometime? I do hope you enjoy the beach, because I love the sand and the waves.

Speaking of studying, I have an unusual study habit. My parents hate it and say I'm procrastinating, but it's really not so; I am very proud of all the work I've done, so why would I try and get away with anything less than my best? See, when I study, I need to have some kind of a background. Weird, right? I find that I work better if I have the TV on, or listen to music, or have people milling around me; I crave a lively ambiance. Whatever the case, I find it difficult to concentrate when I lock myself in a small room and try to focus.

Because when I do lock myself in a small room and try to focus, I end up with a notebook of drawings and doodles. I wouldn't go as far as to call myself an artist, but I do believe I am an art enthusiast. I always have my sketchbook with me, and if I could I'd carry my oil paints too.

There you have it, that's me in a nutshell. I mean, I have a few internships under my belt and was involved in several clubs at my high school, but I'm sure you're more interested in who I am rather than what I did. Oh, by the way, I hope you like eating home-style Chinese food; it's my specialty.

1960/2000

Do you think i made it too conversational?

I actually liked your use of contractions and how conversational it was. It's really informal which is what you should be aiming for in this type of essay. So don't go running for the thesaurus for every sentence: write the essay as if it were really going to your roommate! I think you did a great job. My only suggestion is that you should make "It's my specialty." its own sentence instead of connecting it with a semi-colon. good luck! (:

Be on the safe side and do not use contractions.
Other than that it's certainly not too conversational.
Like the beginning.
Like the ending.
Like basically everything, but one part seems a little weird.
"Speaking of studying, I have an unusual study habit. My parents hate it and say I'm procrastinating, but it's really not so; I am very proud of all the work I've done, so why would I try and get away with anything less than my best?" I think I get what you are trying to say, but is mentioning your parets really necessary?

By the way I would try to add something that also talks about your social behaviour.
Overall it is really great.

Mind checking out my essay? Would be really flattered.

I think this is great! Your personality really comes through in this essay. Its supposed to be to your roommate, so I think they are expecting it to be a little conversational. But I agree with the poster above, I would stay away from contractions, even if it is an informal essay.

I would appreciate it if you could take a look at my Pomona supplement!

I think you should try to avoid these cliches when youwrite such as saying your a procrastinator or how you like the wheather because every other applicant does. he more you make it stand out the better you chances for admission.

I am applying to the same school and i need critiques for my vitality essay itll b under my rommate essay(which you may use for reference) near the very bottom ANY help is appreciated :))