"The economy students" - Commonapp 150 word essay - "CAS"

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer).

I have chosen to study economics as an IB student. Although I don't study geography, the geography students went to a small town in Rio de Janeiro called Paraty. The economy students had the choice to go or to stay, but I decided to take advantage of this opportunity and go with the geography students.

The trip was to investigate and survey tourists and people from the town, and ask about the Green Passport initiative. The questions asked had to do with Paraty sustainability. I managed to talk to really nice people with low resources, some did not like living in Paraty due to the life style they have, although some did like it.

With a friend, I interviewed the manager of the green passport initiative in Paraty, I learned a lot about the subject of sustainability and it interested me a lot because we are the reason the world is decaying every day.

Hey everybody, this is my short essay for the commonapp. I would like some suggestions or editions if i can have a bit of your time. Thank you!

You made some mistakes writing it, but those aside, it's really good! I made the corrections below:
I have chosen to study economics as an IB student. Although I don't study geography, the geography students went to a small town in Rio de Janeiro called Paraty. The economics students had the choice to go or to stay, but I decided to take advantage of this opportunity and go with the geography students.

The trip was to investigate and survey tourists and people from the town, and ask about the Green Passport initiative. The questions asked had to do with Paraty sustainability. I managed to talk to some really nice people with low resources. Some did not like living in Paraty due to the life style they have, although some did like it.

With a friend, I interviewed the manager of the green passport initiative in Paraty. I learned a lot about the subject of sustainability and it interested me a lot because we are the reason the world is decaying every day.

Thank you very much :D. I will add those corrections to the original piece.

After doing that, you think it is ready to be submitted?

Hi Sebastian,

The name of the topic was changed, probably because the title you gave the thread was not descriptive enough. Please use descriptive detailed thread titles. :-)

I think it could be a little clearer here at the start:

Although I don't study geography, I had a memorable experience as part of an activity with geography students. They went to a small town in Rio de Janeiro called Paraty. The economy students had the ...

The purpose of the trip was to investigate...

The questions asked had to do with pertained to Paraty sustainability. I managed to talk to really nice people ...

This sentence is too long and should be broken into two:
With a friend, I interviewed the manager of the green ...

:-)