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Education a distant dream for girl child



mishra 2 / 3  
Dec 14, 2016   #1

Hard life to be a female in my country



"Women constitute half of the population they are the producer of mankind but still they are subjected to various social evils". I believe the weapon of education lets women exterminate the gender bias, deprivation, against denial of chances to the deserving, politics that undermines and society who clip their dreams.

I am beginning to think, I am quite the antithesis of stereotypical boy or Man I am not honourable , brilliant ,rich or charming; neither too strong nor do I have a powerful clan but I'm resolute to be someone, to whom the World Will Look for.

My country is changing, moving ahead in every field possible .A true sign of desire to move ahead is everywhere. While India has made remarkable progress in achieving gender parity in world.

The scenario of my village still projects the picture of old India where education for girls was a mere dream. Due to typical minded orthodox society. Being a boy I felt very blessed by god when I see girls in my locality, who rarely get chance to study. Some who gets it with good fate are not privileged enough to do graduation.

In my village girls belongs to those marginalized groups such as the very poor Or disabled, who are often left behind. While girls attend primary school in roughly half numbers to boys, the gap widens as they get older and more are forced to drop out to help with work at home or get married. Despite much progress, a child without an education is still much more likely to be a girl than a boy.

When I asked elders 'Why they are not given Education' they all had a common answer "girls are expected to contribute to the household" - the implicit understanding being that a girl is being trained for a role as a wife, mother and daughter-in-law, whereas boys are being trained for an occupation as they have to take care of family .

It was the opinion of certain male elders hence, I thought they might be biased towards ladies but I was mum when heard same thing from elderly women. Than too I didn't quit and started meeting and encouraging all those girls who either were not sent to school or dropped out after primary education .In this process came across some harsh stories forward:

Meenu didn't tell her parents when older boys started harassing her on the hour-long walk to school from her home grabbing her hand- because she knew she would get the blame, as if she had somehow encouraged them. She was right: when her family found out, they stopped her schooling.

Deepti is luckier: her mother is determined she will become a doctor. But there are 70 pupils in a class at her school, and teachers often simply don't turn up. The drinking water tanks are so filthy children bring their own water.

Suman 35, is battling for her child's future. When authorities agreed to provide education, but it's only for one day a week. Suman, a domestic help who never went to school herself, wonders if she should have tried to teach her at home: "But if I haven't studied, how much could I do for her?"

The list was endless, but I was persistent with support of my Grandfather. We went to authority and asked their help initially they agreed but result was not satisfactory. So finally with consent of whole village we planned to start school in our own village.

It was not Ordinary school like every school it didn't has roof or boundary hence no location. No teacher only few retired elders. No age limit for student, no curriculum, timetable or anything which could make it look like a school.

We collected fund from whole village and after all efforts we set up a school which was not recognised by any govt. agency but still was serving the purpose. Now it has a building and some volunteers to serve as teacher.

All students at Prerna (inspiration) School, which is particularly built for ladies from poor and uneducated families. It helps girls who had missed out on schooling to make up, and engages with the students' families to discourage child marriage and also give them chance to learn all vocational stuff and earn their living.

Now menu is enjoying her study and her family has dropped the plan of marriage and are supporting her. Deepti is too in third standard and her mother is also attending vocational training classes. Finally suman's dream of education for her child has come true and helping school to cook meals for children, learning simultaneously.

BY. Prasoon

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15369  
Dec 14, 2016   #2
Prasoon, are you writing this essay for a college application or for an English writing class? Regardless of the purpose for the written work, I have to point out that there is a sense of confusion in your writing. Who should the essay focus on? You or your friends? More importantly, what is the actual focus of the essay discussion? There are so many questions with regards to your essay that I cannot even begin to try to advice you regarding any changes that might improve it. That is because I have no idea where this essay is actually headed. Do us all a favor and post the instructions that you were given for the drafting of this essay. Maybe we can better sort out what has to happen with this work if we knew what it is exactly that you are trying to do.

Aside from the major problem regarding the topic, your essay also suffers from grammatical inaccuracies. You have violated the rules relating to the use of capitalized letters in more ways than one in this essay. You have to review your work and correct the capitalization errors. That is the simplest part of your essay to revise. The rest of the essay cannot receive accurate advice from us until we know exactly what you are trying to do with it.
OP mishra 2 / 3  
Dec 14, 2016   #3
my common app topic is -Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
vghimanshu2 2 / 7  
Dec 14, 2016   #4
I think you have the matter but you need to fix your transition from one paragraph to other. You also have to work on your starting. It looks more of a general essay. It seems that you are not writing on the given prompt, rather on 'girls role'.You have to glue up your reviewer at the first site only, encouraging him/her to read more.You should rewrite it.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15369  
Dec 14, 2016   #5
Prasoon, your essay suffers tremendously from paragraph separation problems. Please work on dividing the essay into topic paragraphs by placing spaces in between topic discussions. That will make it easier for everyone, not just the reviewer, to read. Now, on to the other problems of your essay.

You are spending too much time creating the background of the idea that you decided to challenge. Shorten that to immediately present the challenge by the end of your first paragraph. Then discuss how you successfully challenged the ideology regarding female education in your country.

There is no need for you to present so many examples for your discussion. Just choose the person who best represents the typical female from your country and how her lack of education has been a major drawback for her. Then immediately proceed to explain why you decided to challenge that mindset based upon the experience of your friend. Then maybe, you can talk about how it is different for you because you are educated.

In closing, you should reflect upon your decision to challenge the normal mindset of the people in your country regarding the education of women. Before you close the essay, reflect on your decision and explain why, you would either make the same decision, or change your decision, when presented with the same situation in the future. These are the important but missing aspects that need to be represented in your essay.

The current essay needs more work before it even begins to respond to the prompt. Please note the problems of the essay and lacking information and address the necessary requirements as best as you can. I'll be happy to help you work on the essay until it becomes ready to submit. You will need to be patient though. It might take some time before this essay is anywhere near ready for final editing.
OP mishra 2 / 3  
Dec 15, 2016   #6
@Holt
thanks for suggestion
but I want to get some good starting for my Essay please share if you have some Idea.
I too want to know how should I answer Why I want to Join NYUAD university.
Regards
Mishra


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