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Why is Education Important? - the seed of life - Topic B- UT



Ashley5789 3 / 7  
Nov 30, 2012   #1
Topic B: Choose an issue of importance to you - the issue may be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope - and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to you, your family, your community, or your generation.

Education is important, and it plays a major key role in every aspects of human life. It provides knowledge for people, and openings to great opportunities that are set in their future. Without education, many will struggle throughout their lives trying to adapt to the world today.

In 21st century, most people living in the western hemisphere have access to learn, but take it for granted. Some attend school, but never graduate, and they struggle to live a decent life. Nevertheless, those that graduate from college have a better chance to survive and adapt the harsh world. In contrast, people who graduate from college have a better job and live in a greater society than those that did not graduate.

However, the people who live in impoverish countries do not have access to such opportunity. For instance, in India, despite its huge population, only a few Indians attend University, because many do not have money to send their children to school. In addition, most children that live in villages do not attend schools, because they have to work for their family to live a stable life. Because their societies are not as well-developed as societies in America or Europe, many educated individuals from all over the world come and help educate them so they can improve their life, and their society.

Education is the seed of life, and it identifies the person's ability to adapt to the life that society provides today. The people who have opportunity to learn should never take it for granted, for only education will lead them to successful future.

Thank you for your time! :)

ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 661  
Nov 30, 2012   #2
" The Advantages of Education" ?

I think it changes nothing, since the advantages of education are the things that make it important. In fact, education is a useful thing, and I cannot find any disadvantage for it, can you?
OP Ashley5789 3 / 7  
Nov 30, 2012   #3
Oh okay, so what title would be fitting for this essay if I am to write about the educated benefits more than those uneducated? Oh, also, do you mind reading my other essay and provide me with your feedbacks? I love your feedbacks. Thank you again for taking your time and sending me good feedbacks.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 661  
Dec 1, 2012   #4
what title would be fitting for this essay if I am to write about the educated benefits more than those uneducated?

What you suggested before are fit to the essay. How about this one :"How dose education benefit society?"

also, do you mind reading my other essay and provide me with your feedbacks? I love your feedbacks. Thank you again for taking your time and sending me good feedbacks.

I am glad that you found the comments helpful. Yes, I will review your work once I got time. By the way, "Feedback" is an uncountable noun and you cannot use it in plural form:))))))
OP Ashley5789 3 / 7  
Dec 3, 2012   #5
Thank you for helping me. Oops, sorry. I will remember not to use "feedback" as plural form. Thank you for correcting my grammar. I appreciate it. :)
OP Ashley5789 3 / 7  
Dec 3, 2012   #6
I like your (Ahmad Zafari) suggestion for the first paragraph, so I edited mine based on your suggestion. I hope this revised essay is better than the previous. Please feel free to comment on it, especially the beginning. Thank you! :)
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 661  
Dec 4, 2012   #7
in America today, because of political reasons, many become unemployed.

political reasons?? You are talking about education not politics. Use numbers to impress the reader (people love numbers). Connect the statistics to the importance of education.

google "unemployment rate of uneducated workers" to find good information and articles about this issue.
my88626 8 / 12  
Dec 4, 2012   #8
In the 21st century, most people living in the western hemisphere have access to learn
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 661  
Dec 4, 2012   #9
One more point, I do not know how many words the essay should have, but I think if you add one more paragraph to the body you can make your discussion more convincing. In the third paragraph of the body you can write about the role of education in getting rid of wrong traditional beliefs of a society. In this way, you can connect the significance of education to not only economic issues, but also to cultural context.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 661  
Dec 5, 2012   #10
This statement reveals the significantsignificance of education in the life of today's people

a report, released in xxx (year) and set by the Labor Department, showsfound that the rate of the rate of unemployment workers of high school dropouts atis 12.6%, whileand the unemployment rate of workers graduated from college atis only 4.2%.

The reason of these results is because college graduates are limited compare to the people that did not go further in their studies.

My suggestion :"Lower unemployment rate among educated individuals was mainly ascribed/attributed to the fact that companies need them since they are expert people, as well as the number of graduates is dramatically less than the people who do not have academic education. Therefore, education can be viewed as a strong tool for eradication of unemployment in our education-based world.

the people in our society who decided to give education another chance have become successful

My suggestion:"There are many people around us that restart studying after dropping out school. In most of the cases, studying gives them new opportunities to find the path of success."

However, when he decided to continue his studies, he soon became this era's most successful entrepreneur

How could studying help him to become a successful person? Briefly answer this question. This help you to underline the importance of education.

Overall, the essay is much better than the first version, especially the statistics are really good.


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