Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Gender equality has become such a hot topic, seen in almost all aspects of life, including education


linhlinh19897 1 / -  
Jul 17, 2018   #1
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Do you disagree or agree?

gender oriented education?



Gender quality has become such a hot topic in many civilized societies that its movements could be seen in almost all aspects of life, including education. Some people propose that universities should parcel out the same number of seats for both men and women in every subject. Although it sounds fair and justified, I do not think it is carefully contemplated.

The ideal education is the education that nurtures and encourages students to pursue their own interests. Thus, the percentage of gender for each subject should be based upon the demand of applicants and their academic performances regardless of their genders. For example, it is usually assumed that girls tend to perform less rigorously at natural science subjects than boys, yet if a girl is interested in math and possess all the qualities required by the institution, she should stand an equal chance with other male applicants. The pivotal element here is the equality of chances, not seats.

The intake number is also heavily dependent on gender orientation. Some subjects are extremely gender-specific in both academic requirements and career prospects. There would be many boys who are interested in literature or nursing, but for most of the cases, figure of female is dominant since female are better at caring and more attentive to details. This is not only the matter of equality but also the matter of biology and innate traits of each gender. School admission committees, therefore, should take into account a greater deal of factors to specify a decent number of male and female for each subject.

Furthermore, things could be much more complicated if an equal number is given to only female and male since the spectrum of gender is now wider than ever with LGBT community. If universities provide male and female with equal number then they have to do the same for people with allegedly non-traditional genders such as homosexuals, bisexuals, etc,... This will complicate the situation and eventually fail to satisfy all parties.

In conclusion, universities should abandon the policy since it is rather a sensitive and problematic matter. The best thing that universities should do, and many still do, is to evaluate candidates only on their wills, interests and academic achievements regardless of their sexes.

Thanks in advance for your feedbacks!

hyperephania 9 / 20 2  
Jul 17, 2018   #2
Your essay only has a few grammatical errors and is likely to get a high LR score.
However, your paragraphs seem to have little connections with each other. You should add some more connectors to clarify their relations.
Also, your conclusion should not raise a new topic or your will probably get a low TA score.
Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Jul 18, 2018   #3
Tran, your essay is not properly responding to the prompt question. The question posed before you is this: Do you disagree or agree?. It is a simple question that tells you choose between one of two responses. Somehow, you did not understand that instruction which is why your response was out of context. You responded: I do not think it is carefully contemplated. The correct thesis sentence answer was a simple, "I do not agree with the statement." You overcomplicated your response and in the process, changed the discussion parameters of the topic. You created a different prompt topic to respond to, which makes you fail the first part of the scoring considerations.

There was no need to include the LGBT paragraph in this statement. The focus of the discussion was only 2 genders. Regardless of your stance on the gender issues, you should not have further changed the prompt discussion by inserting the gender argument into it. You also should not use special characters such as ellipses (...) in an academic discussion. Furthermore, ellipses cannot be used after a comma. The ellipses indicate a somewhat ended but continuing discussion of a given statement. A comma indicates a continuation of the discussion in with a changing topic or additional ideas.

Your essay has an open ending. This indicates that you continued to present new ideas and discussions within the 5 paragraph format which will lower your TA score because you failed to properly summarize the reasons. paraphrase the discussion again, and present your closing statement in order to end the discussion.


Home / Writing Feedback / Gender equality has become such a hot topic, seen in almost all aspects of life, including education