'educational foundation and experience' - DUKE engineering

Hey guys! Can you please help me grade my essay? Grade as hard as you want please! =)

Here is the prompt!:

If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke.

Studying engineering will give me the opportunity to implement my innovative and unique ideas in designing and creating mechanical engines and airplane. From structural mechanics to electrotechnology, I desire to study and harvest the essential knowledge in the field of mechanical engineering in order to not only facilitate my goal in applying my engineering ideas to help address the human needs of the future but to also help answers my never ending questions about impossible structures that exist today. The knowledge will allow me to break the limitations and ongoing engineering problems in the designing field and to contribute greatly to the world around me. Also, studying engineering will help develop my leadership and management skills in order to greatly enhance my social abilities to work on a professional level.

Duke will provide me with the excellent educational foundation and experience necessary to succeed and accomplish these goals. From study abroad programs to unique engineering projects, studying at Duke will grant me opportunities to explore and view engineering on multiple levels. Pratt's courses and high level faculty will allow me to interact with professors and students with similar minds and thoughts and aid me in broadening my background knowledge in engineering as well. I am very determined to follow the school that will provide for me the necessary skills and education needed in order to successfully become a mechanical engineer. Even if it means boldly applying to a prestigious and competitive school, I am very committed to do so.

Please help!!!

Good essay. You have to be honest and to the point. Be more specific with your reasons. Give examples and mention your research on the Duke school.

I noticed there isn't one personal thing in your essay, nothing to distinguish you from the many other applicants. How did you become interested in this field? Why is Duke the perfect place for you?

:)

Hey Susan. Thanks for the tips. But i'm trying to think of how to write it personally. I like building airplanes and I already have my own ideas of an airplane. I just don't have like the professional knowledge to actually put my ideas into this essay! =(

Hey, I rewrote it. I thought it through with some help. I hope its a lot better. I tried to include my high school experiences and personal thoughts.

Whether it'd be building Lego figures or bottled rockets, assembling models or objects has always interested me. Ever since I was a kid, gazing at colossal skyscrapers or outrageous styled cubic buildings greatly amazed me. I kept pondering about how people could construct such eye-catching and complex creations. As I entered high school, my interests further expanded when I took Physics and Chemistry classes that answered my never ending questions about these buildings. Participating in the Egg-O-Naut (bottled rocket) event in Science Olympiad and learning about structural mechanics and stress gradually built up my erupting curiosity in engineering.

I realize that studying engineering will give me the opportunity to implement my innovative and unique ideas in designing ground-breaking mechanical engines that would help revolutionize the dynamic world. From forming a device to increase transpiration in Biology HL to constructing something that would help power a light bulb in Chemistry SL, I am able to submerge myself in the numerous ideas I have. Furthermore, I can open new doors to new ideas or possibilities for change. I want to take my love for building and invest it in studying mechanical engineering in order to become a professional mechanical engineer for Boeing. By gaining the necessary knowledge and skills, I can help create engines or designs for airplanes that will greatly contribute to the people around me.

Pratt will be the catalyst that will initiate my engineering goals and the provider that will offer me the excellent educational foundation and experience necessary to succeed. The rigorous and challenging curriculum that Pratt presents will force me to think on a more higher academic level and allow me to explore the different frontiers of engineering. The small size and high level faculty will offer me many advantages in gaining maximum exposure to exceptional programs. With the Duke List and the Skanska summer study abroad program, Pratt will provide me with many opportunities to gain real hands on experience and direct interaction with intensive engineering projects. With the close community that Pratt has, I can work closely with many students, seek my own unique talents, and flourish both personally and intellectually.