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An efficient Data Analyst - UF Statement Intent



joaquint561 1 / 1  
Dec 9, 2024   #1
I'm applying to transfer into UF from Palm Beach State college for Fall 2025. There are two questions wanting statement of intents (both 200 word limits) and I wanted to see if there's anything I could do to improve both of my statement of intents. (I want to major in Information Systems, minor in Computer Science, and my career goal is to become a Data Analyst.)

What are the core skills and knowledge you hope to acquire by completing a degree in this major and how do you plan to apply these when you graduate?

I've always had a honed in interest with business and technology related careers. The intersection of both business and technology is a lucrative pathway for me to achieve my long-term goals of becoming a data analyst. That's why I'm going to be working towards an Information Systems bachelor's degree. Simultaneously, I want to minor in Computer Science to compensate for the less technical side of the degree and add more technical coding courses onto my resume. From my research, the University of Florida is without a doubt the best public university in Florida, and I want to pursue my education with UF. The tremendous value, the stellar academic reputation, and the affordable tuition makes studying at this institution the best choice for me. Moreover, it's extremely beneficial to study at UF because I will learn core skills that would help with becoming a data analyst. Analyzing business operations, implementing information systems, and effective strategies are accompanied in this institution, it would give me a competitive edge over my competition. Once I receive my degree, I'm going to use the skills that I've been taught to become an efficient Data Analyst.

One at a time.

- Written by Joaquin Tapia

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15461  
Dec 11, 2024   #2
Your response is redundant and devoid of the actual core skills that you look forward to developing as student at UF. You keep going around in circles discussing general information, when the reviewer would like to know about the specific skills that are at the core of the course you want to study that you already have a foundation for, hence your desire to build more on those skills once you attend UF. My advice is for you to write a totally new response that will directly address the core course that you are looking forward to studying, with specific reasons as to why this is, based upon your existing interests or skills in the field.
OP joaquint561 1 / 1  
Dec 11, 2024   #3
@Holt

Thank you for the advice, I'll rewrite my answer to emphasize the specific skills I would like to study for, and how I would use those skills later on.


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