Emory Supplement - ("I first heard of Emory through a friend")

Prompt: Many students decide to apply to Emory University based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons as a possible college choice, why is Emory University a particularly good match for you?

Reading it over, it sounds REALLY corny in the beginning, I just cant find a good way to say it the way I want to say it...Any comments/critiques??

Imagine Emory University as a great rock band. There I am in the crowd; just one of the thousands of hardcore fans, wishing to one day meet with and get to know Emory personally and form an inseparable connection. As in the case of many artists I listen to today, I first heard of Emory through a friend. She had just been accepted into the university and seemed like the happiest person alive. This excitement from a particularly timid girl stimulated my interest and I began researching in order to find out as much as I could of, in her terms, "the best university out there". I scanned through websites, searched up information in college-informational books, and gathered the opinions of my friends, but I still wanted to discover more.

This summer, my fanatic dreams came true as I stepped onto the Emory campus and was optically mesmerized by the vivid red rooftops and vast diversity of students. The atmosphere, the people around me; everything just felt right. I left with a final memorabilia: a requested informational booklet. Inside were countless photos of current students and in-depth information of everything from student spotlights to facts about Atlanta. One picture truly stood out and reaffirmed my desire to attend Emory: a seemingly endless number of grinning students proudly holding up their miniature Coke cups as if to make a toast. I looked over this picture numerous times and could not once find a person with a frown.

Asides from the evident excellence in academic courses, the impressive campus, and the fact that it is located in one of the 'most livable cities', I believe Emory University offers me a chance to step outside my home and feel comfortable in my own skin. I want to benefit Emory in its mission to remain "an inquiry-driven, ethically engaged, and diverse community". I want to be able to raise my Coke cup high in the air and say, "I'm not just a fan anymore; I'm fulfilling my dream".

I feel as though I dont answer the prompt...until the last two sentences or so, and its still pretty vague

I'd say you need to do some research about Emory, and find something out about it that you can relate to. For instance, is there a particular academic program you want to pursue? Is it part of some historical trend you want to join? If it's the atmosphere (as you seem to imply) elaborate on what that atmosphere is exactly and on the sorts of things, such as the "vivid red rooftops," that generate it.

Imagine Emory University as a great rock band. There I am in the crowd; just one of the thousands of hardcore fans, wishing to one day meet with and get to know Emory personally and form an inseparable connection. As in the case of many artists I listen to today, I first heard of Emory through a friend. She had just been accepted into the university and seemed like the happiest person alive. This excitement from a particularly timid girl stimulated my interest and I began researching in order to find out as much as I could ofcould have, in her terms, "the best university out there". I scanned through websites, searched up information in college-informational books, and gathered the opinions of my friends, but I still wanted to discover more.

This is a great approach!!!
"Fanatic" is not quite right here:

This summer, my fantastic dreams came true as I stepped onto the Emory campus and was optically mesmerized by the vivid red rooftops and vast diversity of students.