What are the unique qualities of Emory University, and the specific school(s) to which you are applying (Emory College of Arts and Sciences, Oxford College,What are the unique qualities of Emory University, and the specific school(s) to which you are applying (Emory College of Arts and Sciences, Oxford College, or both), that make you want to become part of Emory University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified? Please limit your response to 250 words.
I stared in awe as my mentor quickly swabbed samples of the E. coli cell culture, plunged the samples into the buffer solution and into the centrifuge to extricate the altered DNA with such precision, that she seemed ethereal. As I stood in the Neuroscience lab the summer before senior year, I felt as if I had crossed a threshold into another dimension and felt compelled to pause and assess the gravity of the situation.
For me, research had always been a topic of intrigue and finally, last summer, I was able to participate in one of the Ohio State Department of Neuroscience labs. Unfortunately, that experience was short lived and simply one year could not satiate my interests. Therefore, I wish to continue research as I pursue a college education and I believe that with the SIRE program at Emory College of Arts and Sciences, I will have endless opportunities to indulge in research. This, alongside the small learning environment in which I can quell my curiosity, are the predominant reasons I wish to attend. But the research opportunities are simply one component of Emory's allure. I also wish to work alongside peers in Volunteer Emory and serve the community. Volunteering has been an aspect of my life that I have grown attached to and one I wish to preserve. I think a good university provides students with an environment reminiscent of their past and also encourages undertaking new ventures, which is exactly what I think Emory will provide for me.
I think the conclusion might be a bit rushed. Can anyone verify that or deny it?
the first sentence is a little redundant. I would either put: "I stared in awe as my mentor quickly swabbed samples of the E. coli cell culture, plunged the samples into the buffer solution and into the centrifuge to extricate the altered DNA with ethereal precision.", or "My mentor quickly swabbed samples of the E. coli cell culture, plunged the samples into the buffer solution and into the centrifuge to extricate the altered DNA with such precision she seemed ethereal." I might choose the second option, because using the adjective ethereal kind of implies that you are in awe. And the way you describe it establishes you are present. I know these things have word limits, so.
good word choice...quell, ethereal.
Yes your conclusion sounds a bit rushed, but really only the last sentence. Try: "However, my interest in the research process was not satisfied by short year/summer [which one?] at ohio department of [x]. Fortunately, I believe the Emory College of Arts and Science can provide endless opportunities for me to indulge in research"
Emory provides the [perfect or other adj...you probably have a better one :)] combination of a familiar environment that encourages past interests and a plethora of novel and stimulating new ventures.
I have a tendency to be a little verbose, but, mostly, you loose the "I think a good university provides" (bleh) and the "which is exactly what i think Emory will provide for me"
"Therefore, I wish to continue research as I pursue a college education and I believe that with the SIRE program at Emory College of Arts and Sciences, I will have endless opportunities to indulge in research." therefore sounds a bit off. maybe..."
very good. I hate the "why us" questions. they kill me.
Good luck!
