In an essay 500 words or less select 3 words that describe you and how you will use those qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.
English is not my native language so any help I appreciated, Thanks.
I know that I cannot be described in three words, but if I am to use just three words they are emotional, multicultural, and optimist. These words best help describe my interaction with people and characteristics that will help benefit the Boston University community.
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I know that I cannot be described in three words I think that part is unnecessary, since they know you're choosing three words not because that's all that describes you, but because that's what the prompt is asking. , but if I am to use just three words, they are emotional, multicultural, and optimistic . These words best help describe my interaction with people and characteristics that will help benefit the Boston University community. A lot of this paragraph steals from the prompt, which isn't particularly creative.
I am a very emotional person and I am not shy about showing my emotions to those around me. I used to think that showing my emotions was a weakness, but experience has shown me that it can be an asset. Like the time I found my best friend in school depressed and crying. This fragment doesn't work. I can't tell if it was an intentional fragment or not, but I think you should make it into a sentence. She had school and family problems. I tried to talk and help her, but I ended up crying with her. I thought that this would make matters worse, but instead she opened up to me and I was able to give her advice. She told me that she felt that I cared enough to share her pain when I cried. That is when I first realized that been emotional could be an advantage. The writing is a little "middle schooler learning how to write an essay". The conclusion sentence is pretty weak. I think that instead of telling things ("That is an example" or whatever), you should show it.
Born and raised in Puerto Rico, I have been influenced by two cultures. Because Puerto Rico is a territory of the United States, there is an obvious influence from the American culture. But because Puerto Rico was ruled by Spain for five hundred years, we also have a very strong influence from the Hispanic culture. My first language is Spanish, but English is taught as a second language starting in first grade. Family traditions are mainly influenced by the Hispanic culture but also have a strong influence from the United States mainland. Talk about some of these traditions and the different ways the two cultures influence them. A lot of interaction exists with the mainland because most families have members living throughout the States. Being exposed to more than one culture is an advantage to me because the more cultures to which you are exposed, the easier it is to adapt to an international community. Explain how it's easier?
Being an optimist has helped me get throughtough times. No matter how difficult life gets, the best way to solve any problem is by being positive. As an optimist, I view problems as opportunities for new experiences. Because I am an optimist, I auditioned at the local school of fine arts for theater and was accepted. You didn't audition because you were an optimist. Rather, being an optimist probably helped you have the confidence to audition. Reword. Optimism has helped me mature faster because I will take risks. Expand on this a little.
Being emotional, multicultural, and optimistic, I know I will impact the Boston University community. Opening my emotions to those around me, I will gain their trust, making for better interaction and new friendships. Through my multicultural background, I can help international students learn to adapt to a new culture. My optimism can help those with problems understand that there is always a solution, especially freshmen that are away from home for the first time. I look forward to attending Boston University and doing my part to improve the community.
The last paragraph is a little eh to me. It's dry. There isn't a whole lot of creativity in it. Otherwise, not bad! Good luck!
It seems nicer if we make all three words adjectives: ...use just three words they are emotional, multicultural, and optimistic .
These words best help describe my interaction with people and characteristics that will help benefit the Boston University community. ---> I think you can do something better here than just repeating their question; you can express an example or a theme for the contribution you'll make and even for the essay.
I like your writing, especially the case you make in favor of optimism.
I just think the intro and conclusion paragraphs shoud be lengthened to express a theme for the whole essay, a common thread that unites the 3 words.
