"Emphasis on physical and mental preparation" - Why Columbia Supplement

Hey guys I am new to this and was wondering if anyone could read over my essay and give me some feedback on the content of the essay as well as any grammatical mistakes. This prompt is for Columbia University.

Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why (1500 characters):

Columbia University, a name I have heard so much from others yet I know very little personally until I started searching for the college of my dreams. Among many things I found about Columbia, what impresses me the most is its core curriculum. Columbia's core curriculum in my opinion is very crucial for my college career because of its emphasis not only on academic preparation but also on physical and mental preparation. Columbia's core curriculum allows me to be fully developed academically, physically, and psychologically. In high school, I found that all these different electives in music and athletics were very important. I felt like I was going to lose many of these daily activities when I go to college. But at Columbia this isn't true. With the Core Curriculum Requirements, I am not only required to take the block classes of math and science and literature, but also music and physical education. In my opinion, physical and mental well being is important for a good college education and experience and the fact that Columbia still cares about physical education and music/art shows how much it cares about the well-balanced development of their students. In addition, the sports courses offered are diverse, including both traditional sports and the non-traditional but increasingly important sports such as Tia Chi Chuan and Scuba diving. They provide me with a chance to explore different physical activities. Columbia's core curriculum's emphasis not only on the academic excellence but also on the physical and mental education as well as its diverse sports curriculum is what attracts me most to Columbia. It better prepares for my future endeavors beyond college.

Currently 1706 characters (with spaces) so i need to cut down a bit.

Thanks!!

I like all the detail specific to Columbia in this essay but I feel like it is not really personal. You need to actually relate yourself specifically so it is a more unique. Like...no one else could have written this but you sorta thing.

Take a look at my CMU supplement! (:

Thanks for the response whomp. Ill try to change it to be more personal. Can anyone please help me out with this?

Thanks!

Please I need some feedback. anyone?

I like your concept of using the Core Curriculm as your reason, but on the other hand, it's such a generic topic anyone could write about. You have to relate it to yourself. They know that the Core makes you take music and physical education classes. They know the sports you mentioned are part of it. Talk about what THEY get by you being part of the Core. If I had this topic, I might mention how being able to explore these different subject areas might bring out talents in me that I never knew I had. When you mention "these electives in high school" give examples! You have to sell yourself to them. Your essay right now sounds like you're trying to sell their curriculm. Use specific examples about the Core, not just the classes, but how certain classes may affect you. As far as grammar goes, you're missing alot of commas like in the "not only..but also" sentence. I don't really know if this helped. Hope it did. Thanks for your feedback on my Yale essay! Good luck!

I suggest you to rewrite this essay. Think about something unqiue about Columbia. If you don't have the information, try to visit the campus or talk to some alumini to find out its uniqueness.

this essay can easily apply to another other elite school.

write about some course you would like to take or a faculty you are excited to learn from

thanks guys. i thought this essay was 2 generic I guess I will have to rewrite it. Thanks for all the comments:)