tell me what you guys think
Growing up, I assumed that my society was representative of the rest of the world. I believed that every subsection of people got along harmoniously just as the people in my community did. Little did I know the world is host to an extraordinary amount of conflict. As I learned more about the true nature of my world, I realized that conflicts that occur between different societies are brought upon by deliberate ignorance
Once while watching CNN with my parents, a piece on the Iraq war came on the television. I couldn't fathom what caused these scenes of mass destruction. An even more puzzling moment came later when my parents attempted to usher me out of the room. "Wait ...but why," I cried. "Well Sometimes people have disagreements honey," they answered. This response perplexed me; no one ever had these types of misunderstandings in my own community. The next night I saw the pundits on CNN spouting inflammatory hate towards the entire country of Iraq and the entire religion of Islam and my parents nodding in confident agreement. I realized that this rash and reactionary demeanor was a defining characteristic of my community, as well as communities across America. Discovering the way my world taught prejudice as a way of assessing someone brought me to the realization that misunderstandings that cause and perpetuate violent disagreements do not take place within a society but among them. It's the people's resistance to understanding another society's way of life and perspective that causes violent upheavals to remain unresolved.
In the next period of my life I wish to educate myself at the college level due to my realization of the harm that a willingly uneducated society creates. College for me wasn't a given; No one in my family ever pressured me to apply. Yet, I am applying because I sincerely wish to further my global awareness. In addition, hopefully I won't only be able to gain knowledge of the different cultures and ways of life that inhabit the world, but actually improve upon the way societies interact through my area of study: engineering.
Engineers not only have a solid understanding of the way the world works, but they can craft and continually create an idealized living environment. When civil engineers create a new bridge or the infrastructure for a new library they are facilitating a mutual understanding between different societies. When a computer science major creates the next app that is able to transform the spoken word of one language into that of another he is actively participating in creating a more tolerant and understanding world. As I grow older I see the detriment my society unknowingly causes more clearly everyday. Coming from this world has undoubtedly been the catalyst in shaping my dreams of a college education and aspirations of a career in engineering
I'm kinda confused about your topic. I think you need to clarify it a little bit. I also feel like you need to transition smoothly from one idea on to another. You have a lot of solid ideas, which is good, but I feel like some of it is not closely related. I don't really get how global awareness lead to engineering. I feel like the conflict in Iraq and other countries has nothing to do with you wanting to be an engineer. I don't know, this is just my opinion.
Im with tcapistarono on this one, first describe your world a bit more, I know nothing about where you grew up or your family except that you have 2 parents who hate on islam.
second I dont see how global awareness can be achieved through engineering, you provided some pretty out there examples, sounded a bit stupid.
You may just want to just start all over again.
How are the examples "out there" I can see the civil engineering one maybe being a bit of a stretch but to say they are stupid is a bit "out there" isnt it? And I was trying to say that Engineering can help me imrove the awareness between societies/cultures/worlds etc.
" In addition, hopefully I won't only be able to gain knowledge of the different cultures and ways of life that inhabit the world, but actually improve upon the way societies interact through my area of study: engineering."
does this sentence not explain it clearly?
In your second sentence, you repeated the words "got along" twice. I think your writing is very eloquent, and I think you relate your anecdote to civil engineering well. The last sentence of your second paragraph is kind of long, I would try to get your idea across a little more concisely. Good luck!
To make it easier on you, actually, you should probably use this essay for prompt #2: "Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?" I believe that with prompt #2, you will be able to use the CNN experience as a good way of connecting that to the person you are, rather than the person you want to become.
Best,
Marisa.
