Just looking for some advice on this university application. Any feedback helps :)
WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU AND WHY?
I am motivated by success no matter the subject. Whether it be an activity that I am ecstatic about or enjoy less so, I am driven by the idea that I can improve. I believe that keeping track of my goals helps me to stay motivated on my many various activities. My love for sports has driven me to pursue swimming. Leading an active lifestyle has helped my physical and mental wellbeing. Despite not having access to pools last year, I found that exercising has kept my mind and body sharp. Whether I am attempting to improve my strength, flexibility or endurance, exercising has helped me stay at the top of my game during this adverse situation. Challenging my body strength has made me a happier person and more productive in other aspects of my life. Another essential aspect that shapes my identity is my relationship with my friends. Whether I am fulfilling a leadership role or helping them with homework, I find joy in being kind to those around me. By supporting and encouraging them to pursue their passions, I can find fulfillment that I helped them on their journey. Having the opportunity to manage my time in an organized fashion has given me the opportunity to pursue these endeavours whole-heartedly. By focusing on my personal goals by managing my time properly, I can lead a fulfilling life by pursuing activities that I enjoy.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 12,303 3989
I understand that you are motivated by success because you stated that directly. The problem, is that you are not focusing on the type of success that motivates you. Try to to create a better focus in your discussion. What sort of success is most important to you? Academic success? Athletic success? Social success? Which of the various types of success do you think would appeal the most to the reviewer? Why? Analyze how you can frame a success based discussion in a manner that would imply how your success would prove to be an asset to the school. Will you bring in academic, athletic, or student community achievements? How? Why is that particular type of achievement important? Why does it make you a better person and/or student?