Ethical dilemma, risk, achievement - common apps personal essay

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (250 words minimum)

I've chosen to do this question. I've written 400 odd words already but am only halfway through. I think I might be writing sort of a mini autobiography heh. >< Any ideas on what would be a good word count range? And what kind of essays do ivy league schools prefer? We don't have a crash course on writing essays here unfortunately.

Good afternoon.

The common app is a very broad first impression. This essay is not the appropriate place to go into a long drawn out story; the admissions board wants to just see a very broad glimpse at how you respond to a prompt that does provoke an extensive response. This will show them your ability to "boil" things down to their main points, a valuable tool later on in your college career.

I suggest starting over with just the bare facts of the experience; don't include too much background on it, just start with the basics and then add in enough detail to make the work flow and make sense. Once you have the facts about the experience you can build a little from there, but not too much. A 500 word common app (if the requirements allow this) is a good length. In this case you don't want to leave large chunks out so that your audience is lost, but you don't want to add too much detail so that they get lost in the little things.

I hope this helps.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Thanks. I guess it should help. At least I've some idea of what the admissions board is looking out for. As you've suggested, I'll start over again. :)

Being Somebody

I am not a 'nobody'.

That was what I told myself when I decided to run for a position in the executive committee of Recreational Badminton club.

A lack of confidence was one of my most alarming weaknesses. Perhaps humility is another. Whenever I came close to being offered a leadership position in the past, I used to think of and justify how someone else was more deserving of it than me. Hence, true enough, I was never given a position.

I came to realize that there is merely a fine line distinguishing humbleness and apprehension about a person's abilities: I was trapped in the latter. There are always people who will be better than I am, but it is the attitude that I possess with regard to this fact that matters most. If I did not even believe in myself, how was I to convince my peers that they can believe in me?

For circumstances to change, I knew I could not remain resigned to fate that I will never be able to lead. I understood that the only way for me to prove my worth was to believe that I could be as good as the student leaders that I admire.

Thus, after playing down and doubting myself for sixteen years of my life, I decided that it was time for me to break out of my shell. Indeed, the conviction I had while presenting my first election speech was crucial in instilling faith in my peers, successfully allowing me to assume the role as a secretary of the club.

Although believing in myself was one essential step I took, it marked only the beginning of my being a leader. Throughout my term, I realized that there were many more lessons to be learnt.

Having been a follower all along, I was adept in doing but not delegating. I willingly took up tasks but rarely asked for help whenever I could not manage. I thought that since I had assumed the responsibility of that particular task, I should follow through it by myself and not trouble others.

It was when my studies took a dip and when I found myself being perpetually tired that I realized I was not coping well with the workload at hand. Then, I understood the importance of working as a team. Leaders do not delegate because they have the authority to - leaders delegate because they know an organization functions most effectively with the cooperation of all its members. They know how and when to ask for help, a skill I had to master.

As I was only a secretary, I felt that I would be undermining the authority of the chairperson and the vice-chairperson if I were to suggest a committee meeting. I assumed that only they can call for meetings because they should know best when we need a discussion.

It was when my friend, who has led for many years, told me that my concerns were unwarranted that I realized how foolish I was. Leaders are not perfect. They cannot attend to everything within an organization and they may not see flaws that are apparent to others. As long as there is sufficient reason to hold a meeting, anyone can call for it. After all, as a committee, we need to work together to complement one another. My position as a secretary does not make me any less of a leader than my other committee members. Taking the initiative and being discerning were other skills I eventually put into practice.

Judging from the mistakes I made as a novice in leadership, I knew I was not a good leader. But I was willing to learn and model myself after other student leaders I truly respect. When I was given the privilege of sitting in a few of their meetings, I would silently observe how they discuss and approach issues. Then, I would try to apply it to my club meetings in an attempt to have more fruitful discussions. I came to know that the thirst to improve helped me progress towards being a good leader as well.

Serving as a secretary in recreational badminton has paved a way into the unchartered territory of leadership for me. Undoubtedly, I have heard many speeches of successful leaders who talk about what they have taken away when they served. But it was only until I became a leader myself that I truly empathized with what they said.

Without this position, it would not have occurred to me that there is a wealth of knowledge on leading to be tapped into. The most fundamental of them all - courage - was what egged me on my subsequent leadership endeavors in high school.

I may be less of a 'nobody' now and I will continue working on it. But my next step would be how to convince others that they can be like me too. I may have been a late bloomer, but that would not deter me from believing that I can unleash my true potential as a leader.

I know you suggested 500 words but I wrote 842 words. >< If there are any redundant parts, please feel free to tell me so I can shorten them.

Thanks!

Good morning.

I am not a "nobody."

Also, watch using "but" at the beginning of sentences.

"...of a "nobody" now..."

I don't think there are any redundant sections in the piece, and its length is appropriate. You flow well from one point in the essay to the next, and the natural time progression of the piece is fluid. You make some good points with adequqate examples. A good intro as well as conclusion too.

Nice work.

Thanks! And sorry about the previous post about asking you to relook at my upenn short question. Didn't realise about the TOS thing.

hey i think it's a pretty good essay with ample reflection. i was just wondering if the US schools actually prefer reflective essays to narrative personal accounts.