Please critique this essay. Thanks in advance
PROMPT- Rutgers is a vibrant community of people with a wide range of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit and contribute to such an environment? Include your talents, leadership activities, volunteer and cultural services. (3800 characters)
I am an Indian and India, probably, is the most diverse nation. It is so diverse that its each state is a country in itself with its own language, cuisine, traditions, attire and festivals. Even though, their lifestyle is different, people live together in harmony and peace. India is the paradigm of co- existence and the notion of 'unity in diversity'. Travelling throughout India has made me understand and appreciate the prevalent customs and traditions.
The community in which I live is culturally diverse too. People of all the states of India live here. During festivals, we distribute our indigenous sweets and snacks and celebrate together. We also help each other when in need. Growing up in such a community has imbibed in me the feelings of togetherness, belongingness and respect for others. It has also made me understand that people, though culturally diverse can definitely live together because the basic human nature that is love and care for each other is common globally.
I am a sincere and diligent girl and find pleasure and happiness in doing community service and volunteer work. There is an orphanage in my locality. I love spending time with the kids there. I visit there whenever possible and give them my old books, clothes and toys. I also read stories to the young kids and draw and paint with the older ones. Apart from this, I also like glass painting, gardening, making greeting cards and dancing. I have learnt two Indian classical dances for three years each. All of these activities have evolved both my talents and my skills.
When I found out that Rutgers' population was one of the most ethnically and culturally diverse, I was quite intrigued. Through this community, I would gain a broader meaning of various cultures and traditions, while sharing my own. I would also be encouraged to open my eyes to the medley of personalities and talents that make up the college. Rutgers' Student Volunteer Council has enticed me the most. I am sure that it would keep me volunteering even at college. I will also try to open up and share my experiences with those whom I have never met before. If there is someone who had an arduous or painful experience, I would try to console that person. In today's modern world, people are losing their hearts. They are becoming self centered and insensitive towards other's feelings. They don't see beyond their noses and their world stops with the words 'I , me and mine'. I personally feel that when we live and learn together in a college, we should be empathetic and share other's grief because sharing the grief eases the grieved person and strengthens the bonds between them.
I would bring my talents and dedication to Rutgers with a hope of reaching new heights by participating in scientific research, meeting amazing professors, making friends and calling Rutgers my new home, next fall.
PROMPT- Rutgers is a vibrant community of people with a wide range of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit and contribute to such an environment? Include your talents, leadership activities, volunteer and cultural services. (3800 characters)
I am an Indian and India, probably, is the most diverse nation. It is so diverse that its each state is a country in itself with its own language, cuisine, traditions, attire and festivals. Even though, their lifestyle is different, people live together in harmony and peace. India is the paradigm of co- existence and the notion of 'unity in diversity'. Travelling throughout India has made me understand and appreciate the prevalent customs and traditions.
The community in which I live is culturally diverse too. People of all the states of India live here. During festivals, we distribute our indigenous sweets and snacks and celebrate together. We also help each other when in need. Growing up in such a community has imbibed in me the feelings of togetherness, belongingness and respect for others. It has also made me understand that people, though culturally diverse can definitely live together because the basic human nature that is love and care for each other is common globally.
I am a sincere and diligent girl and find pleasure and happiness in doing community service and volunteer work. There is an orphanage in my locality. I love spending time with the kids there. I visit there whenever possible and give them my old books, clothes and toys. I also read stories to the young kids and draw and paint with the older ones. Apart from this, I also like glass painting, gardening, making greeting cards and dancing. I have learnt two Indian classical dances for three years each. All of these activities have evolved both my talents and my skills.
When I found out that Rutgers' population was one of the most ethnically and culturally diverse, I was quite intrigued. Through this community, I would gain a broader meaning of various cultures and traditions, while sharing my own. I would also be encouraged to open my eyes to the medley of personalities and talents that make up the college. Rutgers' Student Volunteer Council has enticed me the most. I am sure that it would keep me volunteering even at college. I will also try to open up and share my experiences with those whom I have never met before. If there is someone who had an arduous or painful experience, I would try to console that person. In today's modern world, people are losing their hearts. They are becoming self centered and insensitive towards other's feelings. They don't see beyond their noses and their world stops with the words 'I , me and mine'. I personally feel that when we live and learn together in a college, we should be empathetic and share other's grief because sharing the grief eases the grieved person and strengthens the bonds between them.
I would bring my talents and dedication to Rutgers with a hope of reaching new heights by participating in scientific research, meeting amazing professors, making friends and calling Rutgers my new home, next fall.
