Experience, Famous New Yorker, Limerick - NYU Supplement

Not done yet, but could use some input with what I have. Thanks!

In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation.
This past summer, I was unable to travel or go to sleep away camp due to my family's financial hardships. Being home all summer forced me to really evaluate what was important in my life, and what wasn't. I found myself developing a backbone, opposed to always letting people step all over me. I have always felt the need to be a voice for the less fortunate who go through life unheard, but for the first time, I began to consistently speak up for myself, and have MY needs be heard.

If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do? (Your New Yorker can be anyone -past or present, fictional or nonfictional - who is commonly associated with New York City; they do not necessarily have to have been born and raised in New York.)

I would spend the day in Central Park with Robert Oppenheimer. Textbooks always say that he was against the atomic bomb being used, so this would be my opportunity to hear first-hand his opinion. I would ask about the guilt and responsibility that came along with being the creator of such a massive cause of death. I would use this opportunity to get inside his head and expand my understanding of how the human mind works, as well as receive some experience in counseling during my attempt to help him understand why his actions and opinions are contradictory.

-- this is 62 characters over, so if anyone has suggestions for rewording or something being taken out, I would love to hear it.

Write a haiku, limerick, or short (eight lines or less) poem that best represents you.
Haiku:
This passionate girl,
she smiles with her bright eyes at,
a promise-filled world.

or

Limerick:
There once was a girl named Danielle,
Who wouldn't emerge from her shell.
But she found her voice,
and now it's her choice,
to let the world hear her loud yell.

- not sure which is better, or if both suck.

I prefer the limerick because it describes you as a complete person- IN DIFFERENT AREAS.

I agree with smileypeace10, Haiku's are fun and philosophical but they're not the best at describing people. Your limerick is great!

"and now it's her choice,
to let the world hear her loud yell."

It says hear "her yell loud." Did you mean to say "hear her yell loud?"

You should consider both choices because each has a slightly different meaning. I think the way you wrote it has a more powerful meaning because anyone can yell loud. It seems you are trying to convey the notion that your voice and self expression have transformed and become more powerful, more forceful and defined.

I would suggest that it remain "her loud yell"- I just wanted to make you aware of the alternative

For the New Yorker essay, I think you can shorten the first sentence to a title say, " A day with Robert Oppenheimer"
For the last sentence, you can shorten it to "I would use this opportunity to understand how the human mind works, as well as receive some experience in counseling during my attempt to help him understand why his actions and opinions were contradictory.

I like the limerick. Also, the summer essay is good, but the last sentence might come off as selfish because you refer to YOUR needs. If you rephrase that thought to be more reserved, you'll be good.

The New Yorker one says a lot, but I would go with jhtang's suggestions.

I found myself developing a backbone, no longer letting people step all over me. ---> do you think it is better this way? I'm not sure...

Textbooks always say that he was against the atomic bomb being used, so this would be my opportunity to hear his opinion first-hand .---In this paragraph, you did not say where you would go and what you would do.

The limerick is awesome!!

smileypeace10

The alternative would not rhyme with "shell" and "Danielle"

I love your limerick! It's simple but still says something about you.

the limerick is definitely better. as for the summer vacation,


i don't think this is what they're looking for. this needs to be more factual, nothing philosophical.