My experience of selling samosa taught me to be optimistic... UBC Pharmacy

I'm applying for pharmacy and I'm concerned about whether my answer is both relevant to the question and somewhat acceptable on a pharmacy application (like should I try to focus on something more relevant to skills/attitudes a pharmacist should have?).

The question is:

Tell us about an experience, in school or out, that taught you something about yourself and/or the world around you. (maximum 200 words)

It's still a draft so it's over the word limit.

the rain helped us

Often, there are two perspectives to each story, and it's the perspective one chooses to see that is made reality. When I first joined XXX, one of our first events of the year was a samosa sale. We were looking forward to hosting it as early as possible to avoid the dreary weather that comes with late fall, but as our proposed date neared, it became evident that the forecast for our outdoor fundraiser was rainy. We were worried that the rain would drive people away, so we started discussing about the possibility of selling fewer samosas. However, the number of samosas we planned to sell was important because if we sold out, we would raise enough money to reach one of our goals. Consequently, we decided to stay firm with our initial order and instead, we focused on marketing the idea of eating warm samosas on a rainy day. The day of the event was cold, windy, and rainy, as expected. But, the sale itself was better than we had anticipated; instead of struggling to sell, we struggled to give everyone their samosas quickly. After the event, we realized the rain had helped us sell the samosa, which is ironic considering our original disappointment when we first learned about the rain. This experience taught me that there is always a positive perspective to a seemingly negative situation, and that the better opinion is the one we choose to focus on.

Hi! I really liked your take on the question.

I think you should further explain how you were originally going to deal with the rain, since it was a major part in deciding on the number of samosas to sell. In other words, elaborate on the discussions you had.

Alsa, the first thing that you have to change in this essay is the reference to "we". The essay wants you to talk about yourself so the pronoun to use should be "I" or "me", definitely not "we" because that connotes a group activity. Which is not what the essay requires. The whole essay is about a group project that did not really reflect on something you learned about yourself or your environment. Therefore, the narrative of your essay does not meet the prompt requirements. As such, it would be better for you to write a different essay. This time, it should be about an activity that you undertook and learned from. You, not a group. Discuss the lessons you learned about yourself or your environment from there. If you want to use this particular story, just refocus the essay to discuss your personal experience during the activity instead.