The letter to explain why I want to study in Australia and how this would fit my goals and career

My study plan for Australian Student Visa

I have read multiple articles about how to write a study plan and this is what I got. Can you give it a read and leave an opinion about my essay? Is there something else I can add to make my essay better? And can someone help me correct any grammar errors? I apologize if my english is a little wonky.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Sir/Madam

My name is Nguyen Doan Thu, a fresh graduate student from Bui Thi Xuan Highschool in Ho Chi Minh City. I am writing you this letter to explain why I want to study in Australia and how my proposed studies would fit with my goals and future career.

The decision to study Animation as a university course is one which I have spent a lot of time thinking about. After conferences with my friends, parents and tutor, I have decided that this is the right decision for me although I am performing better academically in another subject, but it is in art and design that my real passion lies.

My main objective is to gain a bachelor's degree in Animation, after that, continue to work my way up to become a modelling artist in the gaming industry. I saw how with just one game, a whole community was founded, bringing many individuals together and created cherishing memories as time went on. My aspiration to make others contended and my passion for creativity has led me to wanting to become a character designer and an animator. It is an extremely gratifying feeling for me to observe as my creations spread joy and happiness to the world. Just like what professor Jane den Hollander once said in an interview with AARNet "Doing the research that matters for the community we serve", and I intend to do the same after earning my bachelor degree.

I chose Australia because their education system is highly regarded across the globe. In spite of the fact that moving away from my homeland for study can be a daunting experience, but with its stunning landscapes, well-known vibrant cities, high numbers of international students and leading education, really motivated me to pursue my higher education in Australia. It will also be a great opportunity for me to be independent of my parents and expand my worldview, making many new friends and experience new cultures first-hand.

Although there are many universities in Vietnam that offer courses in Art and Designs, their curriculums aren't similar to what I want to study. My main focus wants to be in 3D modelling and animation, and Swinburne University of Technology has the perfect program for me in that matter. Their units and other studies all fascinates me and catches my attention. And being accepted to Swinburne, one of the best university in Melbourne, greatly boosts my chance to get closer to my dream. Their expert design faculties, cutting-edge technologies and industry based learning programs will provide me with excellent learning opportunities and precious experiences after 3 years.

After the completion of my bachelor's degree in Swinburne, I intend to fulfill one of my long-term goals: to be an employee at well-known companies such as Gamefreak, located in Tokyo, Japan or Thatgamecompany, based in Santa Monica, California. They are my main inspirations to fuel up my dream as an artist in the gaming industry.

I believe the most valuable thing in this world is opportunity because sometimes, all it takes for someone to be successful is a chance to do so. Consequently I would like to be part of that chance that can foster the growth of future success.

I hope that you will acknowledge my interests in arts and provide me the chance to study in a world-class environment under your kind supervision.

Best regards,

Nguyen Doan Thu

This is more of a personal statement that describes your interest in the course rather than a plan for your studies in Australia. There are more irrelevant than relevant paragraphs in this essay. I would have to say that, as a professional reviewer, I would ask you to retain only paragraphs 2,3 (with adjustments), 5,

In reference to paragraph 3, only the opening sentence can be used. The rest of the paragraph should reflect more of your background relating to self-study in animation, seminars attended, online courses completed, awards, recognition, or anything else that will show that you actually have a strong foundation for these studies. You have to make the justification paragraph because you previously indicated that your academic strength lies in a different subject. Therefore, your extra curricular participation will be your fall-back in terms of referencing your preparations for the course that will help enhance your next steps in the study plan.

When you refer to why you chose Australia, you need to include a reference to the breakthroughs in animation that came out of that country, or university. The study plan should be less about the stunning landscapes, cities, number of international students, and more about the strength of the Australian educational system in relation to animation studies. Then explain the weakness of Vietnam in terms of the same subject. This will help strengthen your study reasons / plans for Australia as your main education source for the major. Relate the specific weaknesses to the focus of your study.

Don't just be fascinated by the curriculum, you need to highlight the reasons why Swinburne University outranks the other Australian universities you had to choose from. Show a familiarity with the animation course by referencing classes and training program you feel can help you excel as a student and as a future animator. The study plan needs to be about academics and less about sounding like a tourist in Australia.