It still needs a little work and I needed help. I'm not to happy with the end. Oh and one more thing- be harsh :P
B. What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.
I turned my head and, for a fraction of a second, we made eye contact. In that moment, her lips parted into a smile. Her cheeks rose. The smile widened further as it reached her eyes, crinkles forming around it. Those few telltale signs were all it took for me to know that this time the smile was real.
It intrigues me just how much one can decipher from facial expressions alone. Eyebrows drawn upwards in the middle for a fraction of a second and rapid eye fluttering can betray a lie. Raised upper lip with a wrinkled nose bridge, on the other hand, are signs of disgust. Every time a muscle contracts, an eyelid flutters or a lip shifts, it tells a story. Expressions often say more than words are capable of. They form a medium of communication that never lies, betraying every emotion, every secret hidden beneath the surface.
My mom says that my eyes are very expressive. Whether I'm happy, hurt, angry, or even excited, the emotion reflects in my eyes. Fascinated, I made an attempt interpreting information from the faces of people around me. I noticed that what I saw on their faces added emotion to verbal conversation, giving it deeper meaning. Their expressions added another dimension to communication, helping me understand them better.
in the second paragraph if the person id lying wouldn't it be betray a truth/the truth? unless I'm misunderstanding what your trying to say
"Every time a muscle contracts, an eyelid flutters or a lip shifts, a story is told
For the ending i suggest keeping tour simple flow and adding a simple sentence on the importance of expression just to tie the hole thing together.
besides these two little things I thought the essay was beautifully written. Nice work.
yeah i'll change the 'betray a lie' bit. wrote it in a hurry. does the last paragraph seem a little out of flow?
"can betray a lie" you can change it to "can portray a lie"
same here: "betraying every emotion" --> portraying every emotion
"an attempt at interpreting"
"Expressions often say more than words do themselves, as they form a medium of communication that never lies, betraying every emotion, every secret hidden beneath the surface." This is just an opinion, it's fine the way it is.
"My mom says that my eyes are very expressive: whether I'm happy, hurt, angry, or even excited, the emotion reflects in my eyes. "
Hope this helped!!
I love your descriptive language here.
The smile widened further as it reached her eyes, crinkles forming around it
This is a run on sentence. There are many options to change the sentence. It's up to you!
Raised upper lip with a wrinkled nose bridge, on the other hand,areissignsa sign of disgus
Expressions often say more than words are capable ofcan or do
Overall, it's a brilliant answer to the question!
Cheers
you should talk about smiling with your eyes or include a facial expression you commonly do.
I thought this was a creative and unique response to the NYU prompt! Overall I agree with the previous comments that there is some minor grammar mistakes, but other then that, good job!
I feel the flow from second paragraph to third is uneven. Maybe you should remove the last sentence of 2nd para and put it in the middle of para. Overall, great idea which will stand out among the essays about books and science.
i dont think i can move the last line. it illustrates my point about how knowing a person makes it easier to read their emotions. but yeah i probably need to add more at the end of the 2nd para to maintain the flow into the 3rd. thanks!
Your essay is very descriptive and I think you educate the reader about how significant a certain method of communication. I was intrigued by what you were intrigued by! I think it's really good. I would really appreciate if you read my common app essay Patching Things Up thanks :)
