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"a family dedicated to high technology" - Short essay on diversity and others



jindu85 6 / 19  
Jan 15, 2010   #1
Prompt: We honor the many different forms of diversity in our community. Your perspective is valuable because it comes from your life experiences, family background, and culture. Please tell us about yourself and what you believe is the best way to share your perspective. Also, what do you hope to learn from the experiences of others? (Word Limit:250)

My diverse experiences in life shaped me not only in one aspect, but a person as a whole. Born in a family dedicated to high technology, I learned to appreciate the science when I was young. Yet my passion changed after devoting myself to Model UN in high school, from which I envision myself as someone who can save the day. Having received most of my education in China, I have taken advantage of what the Chinese education has to bring- a solid foundation for my professional development. Yet two years of studying in the U.S. made me more independent and helped me recognize the importance of critical thinking.

From various journalist experiences, I found the best way to share my thoughts. Serving as the Chief Editor of WE Observe assisted me to crystallize my dream- a journalist with an international beat. I want to write articles to make a difference to a wide readership, raising people's awareness and helping them to identify the very heart of pressing issues that plague our world today.

From interviewing other people, I learned how to approach problems from another perspective. Other people's experiences are a great asset that helps me choose wisely in life. A seemingly ridiculous solution may make sense if I considered the experiences of the speaker, and it may have worked out if the circumstances had changed. Learning other people's insights enables me to think critically and thoroughly.

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I know the three paragraphs do not seemed to be connected. But I thought I have to fully answer the prompt. So anyone have a better idea how to connect them smoothly?

Thanks!

OP jindu85 6 / 19  
Jan 15, 2010   #2
any other comments? can anyone suggest somthing to better connect the paragraphs?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 20, 2010   #3
My diverse experiences in life shaped me not only in one aspect, but a person as a whole.

This sentence is awkward... it would he to be "but as a whole person." But I thin it is better to write:
My diverse experiences have added dimensions to my personality and constantly challenged me to change my mind. Born in a family dedicated to high technology, I learned to appreciate the science when I was young. Yet my passion changed after devoting myself to Model UN in high school, from during which I began to envision myself as someone who can save the day. ---- excellent sentence!

Having received most of my education in China, I have taken advantage of what the Chinese education has to bring- a solid foundation for my professional development. Yet two years of studying in the U.S. made me more independent and helped me recognize the importance of critical thinking.

Nice job. There is a book by Keeley and Brown that you might like:

amazon.com/Asking-Right-Questions-Critical-Thinking/dp/0137581866


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