If anyone can help, I just keep thinking that its lacking something. Grammatical corrections and so forth are greatly appreciated.
Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.
Being in a predominantly white high school has left me craving culture and diversity within an academic environment. Upon visiting Rutgers I got a first-hand look at how many people from different backgrounds were there, so many cultures and experiences to be shared. I knew then that I wanted to join any of the clubs on campus, I want to experience culture from everyone whether Black, White, or Asian, but especially Hispanic culture. My town here in New Jersey lacks Hispanic culture, I have my family but I want to get to know other Hispanic people and know their views, values, and ways of life. In school I shared my experiences and culture with those around me, though there was no one that I could really relate to. Therefore I sought to learn about my own culture in Philadelphia, I tried to get to know friends of my family there but the distance did not help. Living right in the center of the action is what I intend to do, meet new people, learn more languages, and encounter cultures I thought I'd never see.
I am biracial, throughout my upbringing I have been able to experience both sides of the coin. My coin consisting of my Italian side and my Puerto Rican side, I have gotten to see two different cultures and smash them together to make my life. I want to tell people about the experiences I've had, from the rough areas of Mayaguez to the beautiful Italian country side of Puglia. The parts of languages I've learned, Italian and Spanish, I want to share with everyone and of course build upon my knowledge until the point that I am fluent. And even into my designs I want to incorporate other languages, other images from different backgrounds that spark an interest in people. The versatility that I wish to obtain and the diversity that Rutgers has at hand makes it undoubtedly the place to go. My grandfather once told me, "The more languages you know, the more people you'll meet and talk to." This lesson has sparked an ambition to gain knowledge not just with languages but with everything that I strive to do.
In school I shared my experiences and culture with those around me, though there was no one with whom I could really relate. to .
I'll fix this run on sentence with a semi-colon:
Therefore I sought to learn about my own culture in Philadelphia; I tried to get to know friends of my family there but the distance did not help.
Living right in the center of the action is what I intend to do, meet new people, learn more languages, and encounter cultures I thought I'd never see.----now it is getting repetitive. You already said you crave diversity, so now you should add a new subtopic to give more substance to the essay.
smash them together to make my life. -----cool sentence!
This is great. Just when I was thinking that you were starting to repeat the same idea over and over, you got very specific about your cultural interests. Impressive! How about telling what role this cultural-linguistic development will mean for the career that interests you. What careers most interest you? Remember, going to this school is laying a foundation for your career, so career is relevant in this essay.
:-)
