Hi, this is the first time posting my essay here and writing admission essay.
I am an international student, and I'm not that good at English.
Any feedback would be appreciated. Please let me know what you think, and what I should do more. BE CRITICAL. Thank you!!!
I came to the U.S. 3 years ago, and I met many friends and their family. They looked so happy and their parents looked they love each other. People say a family is the most important thing in your life, and I agree with that. On the other hand, their saying made me sad, because, I didn't have a family photo in my wallet or on my desk. I haven't had a family breakfast or dinner since I became a junior high school student. We were not a happy family.
My father is a stubborn and old-school person and my mother is also stubborn. They usually had a disagreement on everything. My father is very patriarchal and he always has to win on everything. My brother and I were adolescent boys, and that made us having a hard time. After all, I failed my SAT test, and I made my parents disappointed. I had one more chance to take the test, but it didn't go well. For my family, that was the darkest time I don't even want to remember.
In my country, men have a duty of military service. My brother and I went to serve our military service at the same time, and we were so worried about how our parents are doing. After I was discharged from army, I heard they had got separated for our military service. We expected that would happen, so we were not surprised much. However, I also heard my father had a brain hemorrhage, and he was alone when it happened. He could have died alone. Fortunately, he made a call for mother and she nursed him after his surgery, and he told her not to talk about this to us. I was really shocked and told him not to do it again, because I want to know everything happening in my family. He said yes, but he still doesn't tell me about bad things of family. I was in shock, but I also thought of that as a chance for my parents being together again. It looked it was going well, but it ended up not well.
A few months later, they talked about getting divorce. My brother and I persuaded them not to do it for us. We told them if they got divorce, we wouldn't see both of them again. They listened to us, and they decided not to get divorce. After that, I had a chance to go to the U.S. for study. I was worried about my parents, but I took a chance to come. Since I left, my brother got a job and got along with his friends more often. I told him to care for our parents, but he was tired of it, and I couldn't do anything about that. All I could do was study and making a call every day.
For a while, it looked like nothing bad is happening in my family. Nonetheless, something happened to my family after all. My grandmother suddenly passed away when she went to a church, and my mother's brother came to my father and tried to steal his company. It really sounds bad, and I was so upset about the fact that I can't do anything in here. However, it turned out those things were not so bad. My family stood together and fought against it. My parents finally realized family is the most important thing we want to keep for whole life.
A few weeks ago, I went to my country for winter vacation. I tried to be with my family more than going out with friends. I finally had a family dinner and got a family photo in my wallet and on my desk. I haven't had this relationship for a really long time, and I didn't realize this small thing could make me really happy. I still make a phone call often times and make sure everything is fine. However, I am not so worried about it anymore, and I am really happy about it.
I am an international student, and I'm not that good at English.
Any feedback would be appreciated. Please let me know what you think, and what I should do more. BE CRITICAL. Thank you!!!
I came to the U.S. 3 years ago, and I met many friends and their family. They looked so happy and their parents looked they love each other. People say a family is the most important thing in your life, and I agree with that. On the other hand, their saying made me sad, because, I didn't have a family photo in my wallet or on my desk. I haven't had a family breakfast or dinner since I became a junior high school student. We were not a happy family.
My father is a stubborn and old-school person and my mother is also stubborn. They usually had a disagreement on everything. My father is very patriarchal and he always has to win on everything. My brother and I were adolescent boys, and that made us having a hard time. After all, I failed my SAT test, and I made my parents disappointed. I had one more chance to take the test, but it didn't go well. For my family, that was the darkest time I don't even want to remember.
In my country, men have a duty of military service. My brother and I went to serve our military service at the same time, and we were so worried about how our parents are doing. After I was discharged from army, I heard they had got separated for our military service. We expected that would happen, so we were not surprised much. However, I also heard my father had a brain hemorrhage, and he was alone when it happened. He could have died alone. Fortunately, he made a call for mother and she nursed him after his surgery, and he told her not to talk about this to us. I was really shocked and told him not to do it again, because I want to know everything happening in my family. He said yes, but he still doesn't tell me about bad things of family. I was in shock, but I also thought of that as a chance for my parents being together again. It looked it was going well, but it ended up not well.
A few months later, they talked about getting divorce. My brother and I persuaded them not to do it for us. We told them if they got divorce, we wouldn't see both of them again. They listened to us, and they decided not to get divorce. After that, I had a chance to go to the U.S. for study. I was worried about my parents, but I took a chance to come. Since I left, my brother got a job and got along with his friends more often. I told him to care for our parents, but he was tired of it, and I couldn't do anything about that. All I could do was study and making a call every day.
For a while, it looked like nothing bad is happening in my family. Nonetheless, something happened to my family after all. My grandmother suddenly passed away when she went to a church, and my mother's brother came to my father and tried to steal his company. It really sounds bad, and I was so upset about the fact that I can't do anything in here. However, it turned out those things were not so bad. My family stood together and fought against it. My parents finally realized family is the most important thing we want to keep for whole life.
A few weeks ago, I went to my country for winter vacation. I tried to be with my family more than going out with friends. I finally had a family dinner and got a family photo in my wallet and on my desk. I haven't had this relationship for a really long time, and I didn't realize this small thing could make me really happy. I still make a phone call often times and make sure everything is fine. However, I am not so worried about it anymore, and I am really happy about it.