family is what most important. Stanford essay.

Choosing colleges aren't as easy as they seem. After a long, strenuous argument with my parents, I succumbed to their choices and made them mine. I have always wondered why I have always listened to my parents' point of views even though I didn't agree with them. Then the Stanford essay question came up, what is important to you and why? It wasn't easy, thinking through all the thing that are wonderful in life and trying to relate them to what was important to me. I thought about sleep-they won't take me seriously if I actually wrote about this-drifted off to food-they would think I'm some big girl who doesn't know anything apart from food-before I could continue, my mum called me and explained some crucial thing I needed to learn before I get back to school, it then clicked. Family. That's why I always listen to them because they are the most important priority to me. Growing up isn't very easy. I have to stay up with my studies as well as have a social life in school; obviously I would have some complications merging to opposite styles. Before things went sour with one of my friends, we were like two peas in a pot; we would follow each other everywhere. Then we had an issue and I didn't know what to do. It involved jeopardizing our relationship, and I didn't want that to happen, so I went ahead and asked my mum for advice. She told me that with friends one can be unreliable. They come and they go, so one should not make them their sole priority. If the situation is about my academics I should face my studies and not worry about what they might say. I was demoralized after my mum talked to me but what could I do. I decided to tell my friend what exactly I felt. Unfortunately, we couldn't sort out or differences and we parted ways, but what I realized after the episode was that my mum was right and another thing was my family would always be with me even through my stuff times. I believe that my family is the most important thing to me because unlike other people who may manipulate one do contrary to what one wants to achieve, one's family would always be there taking he/she through the right path.

Hello
I have read through your essay and I believe I get the jest of what you are trying to say. I have made some corrections, but I do think it would be in your best interest to reorganize, and rephrase some of your sentences. If you are writing a formal essay it would be best to replace words such as (shouldn't, wouldn't, and couldn't), with (should not, would not, and could not). I hope that I have been a help to you.

thank you so much, I'll try to re-organize the whole essay.but could you like show an example