'My family and my qualities' - application for UCF?

2. How has your family history, culture, or environment influenced who you are?
4. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

My family is truly an inspiration to me both in my personal and academic life. Being the eldest of three I am often overwhelmed with the task of getting good grades and setting an example for my two younger sisters. In regard to this my parents are harder on me than they are on my sisters, nagging me to do better though I do really well and putting limitations on what I can do in my free time. Although it may seem to be harsh treatment I am actually grateful for my parents treating me this way; without them breathing down my backs I might become lazy in my studies; as a result I would probably be terrible in calculus, which I am not. My parents not only support me in my studies they also support me in my extracurricular activities. As an example, I am a musician and my dad is a musician as well so of course he would have some remarks on my method of practice, like play your scales and sit up straight so on and so forth; however, his advice is very helpful and I do improve each day. So basically without my parents my talents would be wasted and so will my chances of being employed, my family has influenced me for the better.

When growing up I have always been called, by my friends, and I quote 'a nerd'. In their opinion studying from school end to twilight is the reason for my success in scoring well on a test; they could not be farther from the truth. The fact is I do not study for more than two hours every day and yet I still do well; this is because I am able to absorb anything studied in class and remember then till an exam. Do not get me wrong I do study just not enough for me to overload and tire out my brain. Another quality I am happy to possess is my ability to always be optimistic about anything that can cause undue stress; such as, final exams, the SAT and college applications. I feel that stress can cause people to be more agitated and then do badly because they do not have the right mind set. These are just a few of my notable characteristics. In conclusion I feel that I can contribute to your college community if given the chance.

I would change this to "might have" because going to college is about being on independent and doing things on your own and saying might (meaning in present tense) may show that your parents are still going to have to forcing you to do your studies.


This is a good example but I would maybe change your wording on "which I am not" it sounds awkward to me and is calculus the only class you needed to study for, because to me it conveys that calculus was the only class that you had to study for.


Why twilight? Saying "late into the night" or something that connects to study late into the evening might be better since you want to seem creative :) and saying twilight is just odd since it really isn't that late into the evening.


This seems really conceited =/ first of all,you would not want to put that you study less than two hours a day, earlier you called yourself a "nerd" I don't know about you but the word nerd makes me thinking of studying all the time, not less than two hours, even if it was every day. Second, saying that you aable to absorb anything studied in class and remember then till an exam is horrible because it seems as if you're going to continue this habit in college, trust me you're not! I'm not in college yet either, but I know that it's not possible to study only once and remember it until you have an exam.


Okay honestly but who cares about other people? This essay is about you and saying this just makes you seem like you are placing yourself above other people because they have stress when in reality everbody stresses about things at times and this includes you, and not only that but who are you to say about whether a person's mindset is right or wrong?

I'm not trying to seem harsh, but if I'm your age and thinking this, imagine what the people at UCF reading this essay are going to think. Overall your essays are good; you just might need to change a few things :) Hope I helped and hope you get in.

Thanks for your help MidnightSkies50 just one question should i remove the calculus example, the stress thing and the absorbing stuff or should i change it to make it sound less like i am boasting? thanks again for your help

Being the eldest of three I am often overwhelmed expected with the task of to getting good grades and setting as an good example for to my two younger sisters. In regard to Regarding this, my parents are harder more stricton with me than they are on with my sisters, nagging forcing me to do better though I doam really doing well and putting have been setting limitations on what I can do in am really fond of doing with my free time. Although it may seems to be a harsh treatment, I am actually grateful for to my parents for treating me in this way; without them breathing down my backs , I might become lazy in my studies; as a result perhaps I would probably be terrible in calculus, which I am not.

Your welcome :)
Well I would remove the stress sentence and how you think it affects people, because it's kinda random and doesn't flow with the essay. As for the calculus example I would maybe add "for example" or "one particulry hard class I had such as..." as I said before just having "as a result I would probably be terrible in calculus" sound like calculus was the only class your family had to push you to study or to help you with because it is singular but still I would maybe make your example longer too maybe show how your family's influence and making you study improved your grade-Did they help you directly or did they just cheer you on and be a moral support? In short make it personal, let them see your family how you see them, if that makes any sense.

"Do not get me wrong I do study just not enough for me to overload and tire out my brain. Another quality I am happy to possess is my ability to always be optimistic about anything that can cause undue stress; such as, final exams, the SAT and college applications."

I would replace the things that sound like you were boasting with expanding on this sentence like for instance do you have an ancedote about how you didn't stress for a test or college applications? You are trying to highlight your strengths, but not to sound like your boasting, this is also your only chance too really telll them about you and how you are different from every other applicant and you want them to feel something while reading your essays- kinda like reading a book if it's boring or impersonal you really don't want to read it and its not memorable. Basically I'm trying to say while your essay does have a good start, it becomes more impersonal as it progresses.

I would also maybe use more power verbs like you did in your first essay-nagging, breathing down my back , etc.- these are good literay devices and show your creativity. :)