So...these are my essays. It's my first draft. Feedback, suggestions, mistakes, please let me know! I'm not so strong at essays, it's the best I could do hehe. Thank you =]
1. If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
3. Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
4. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?
1.)
Education. To me, it comes before everything else and it has always been very important to me. However, this is neither accepted, nor applauded upon in my family. For as long as I can remember, I have had to fight for my education.
Like many teenagers, I have learned over the years that my parents and I do not see eye-to-eye in many areas. Though somewhat irrational and surprising, one of those areas was education. For many others, I have observed that parents are usually the ones urging their children to get better grades, do better in school, and get a proper education. In my case, however, I was the one who had to plead and cry to go to school or buy materials for a project. I also had to push myself to do better. My parents wanted me to become a housewife, nothing too "fancy" as they put it. I, however, did not stand for that and had to convince them. This was always difficult, especially since I had to do it so often, but I knew that I could do it for my whole life with my thirst for knowledge and my hunger for education.
Although I have known and stood by my perspective over the years, there were times when I've had my falters. At times, my grades were not as strong as I would have wanted them to be and at other times, I did not try as hard as I could have. Now, I know better than to let my circumstances get the worst of me.
As college comes closer, I am more determined than ever. I've learned to become even more determined as I face new challenges and new difficulties. My determination will always make me try harder and stand up for what is most important to me. I love my parents and I always will I will always stand up for my education. I must.
2.)
Like I have previously mentioned, education was not always an important factor for my family. They have always put other things before education for themselves and even for me. I grew up learning that there were more important things in life and it wasn't shouldn't be as significant as others made it out to be. Ironically, this gave me a drive to learn. I began to enjoy school and acquiring more knowledge became the number one priority for me.
To my family, this came as a shock and a bitter disappointment. They believed that "it was getting to me," that I was set out for unsuccessfulness. I did not agree, for I saw that no one in my family had ever obtained a proper college education and almost everyone was working at a job they disliked. To me, they were the unsuccessful ones. I did not want to become that way so I decided that with a good education, I will be able to avoid just that.
With the environment I grew up in, I paradoxically learned that in order to achieve and become successful in life, one needs an education. I'm glad that I have realized this from my family or I would have never had such a strong passion to keep going and keep achieving.
Education: To me, it comes before everything else and it has always been very important to me. Using "to me" twice is redundant.
I also had to push myself to do better.I think what you meant was that ONLY you pushed yourself? Maybe you could make this sentence clearer.
Although I have known and stood by my perspective over the years, there were times when I've had my faltersfaltered/had my doubts .
At times, my grades were not as strong as I would have wanted them to be
I love my parents and I always will. I will always stand up for my education. Here, I feel like you should change it to something like "I love my parents and I always will, but I will also stand up for my beliefs"
Your story certainly is unique! I like the first one as well. I noticed that in a lot of places you used "this" and "it" as subjects (ie. "this was always difficult since I had to do it so often"); you could substitute "this" with "persuading them" or other verbs, to make your point stronger.
By the way, a question for the more experienced, can anyone use the red font and strike-throughs?
