My family: Truly Utopian: MIT background essay

My family: Truly Utopian

I was brought up in a middle class extended family with two elder siblings, seven first cousins, two uncles and aunts, my parents and grandparents all living under one roof. Middle class in India during the 1990's did not have the lifestyle that the name may suggest, especially if you are living in a large family. However, as with everything, living in a big family, has its pluses and minuses. When clothes did not fit elders they were passed on to young ones. Right from our childhood we were all the kids in the house were taught to use of everything for a given circumstances.

All the schools that I had been in India did not have wide variety of clubs that I could have been part of, but I created ones for my own as per my interest and if conditions would not allow it to grow I would continue to endeavor of exploring my interest on my own. In 9th grade with full support from my best physics teacher I created Electronics club and in 11th grade I started in school recycling program. My father always used to tell me that in a dense jungle one has to find a path or make one! When we moved here to US I started participating in all the activities that interest me. I am secretary of e-club and also technical assistant for website club.

In conclusion, I will never forget my grandpa's quote as he described to my dad: "Do not look at the person who owns a BMW and feel down. Always look at the person riding a bike and feel blessed." My family as a whole provided us a Utopian environment in everyway as they taught us to find an opportunity in adversity.

The question was asking you how your world fostered your aspirations, so where are your dreams?


i almost read as "all this made me think...". if you never thought of this, why bother putting it in?

Try to integrate some transition.

Where does the quote come from? and the BMW? i get it's to show wealth, but...sounds pretentious


there might be a better way of saying this. It over aggrandize your accomplishments. Not saying that it's not impressive, but the "though I'm new", i still became this this kinda...you know what i mean?

and you put in some really weird quotes. Perhaps make them a bit clearer.

thanks for the reply... btw how did you integrate the quotes?

highlight what you want, then click quote (make sure it's the person who quoted) and you'll have some source code popping up below. And you can play with that as well, i'm sure you'll figure it out quickly

btw, love your new format, will read it tomorrow. i meant later today.

Very interesting.
I like it.
Maybe you can expand on the value of being in a club?

I'd avoid using you's, as a general rule. Makes your essay sound informal


not sure what you mean by best. Favorite maybe?


It's very awkward wording and although I get your idea, I would formulate in a different way, simply because saying that if you fail, then you'll still pursue that interest doesn't sound as nicely as simply say that you've contributed a lot to your clubs

but I created ones that nourished my interests; not only did I spend time and energy on these clubs, I also grew my passions alongside.

... still sounds pretty weird...but i think you get what i mean


this sentence is pretty awkward and doesn't provide the necessary transition for your immigration to US


that's ALL your interests? or did you just want to underline your special contributions...then put, I was particularly engrossed in a few clubs and became blabla


this is the typical money doesn't buy happiness, so do not covet lesson. Is that what you want to convey?


your adversity seems to be a lack of resources, not necessarily monetary, so I wouldn't use the BMW quote.

overall, good essay. does answer the prompt and convey your unique background. However, could be made more emotional and "touch" the reader.

again, what's as per?

you still only covers facts, which isn't bad, but isn't particularly interesting neither. And you do need a very interesting topic for MIT.

hey Yang can you please look at this essay of mine?

...elder siblings, seven first cousins, two uncles and aunts, my parents, and grandparents all living...

All the schools that I had attended in India lacked a wide variety of clubs that I could have been part of, but I created clubs on my own according to my interests, and if conditions would not allow it to grow I would continue the endeavor of exploring my interest on my own.

nice, i really like the message, it seems to capture your personality! I love the quotes from your dad and grandpa...

will post new version soon