"Farmers in Peru" - common app - Peruvian adventure

here is my essay to the question - Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

please give me whatever criticism and input you have to say. Thank you

As the sun set over the gray mountains, the cold crept into my body quicker and quicker. It was unsettling not knowing what was going to happen. We were on our way to the small town of Ocobamba, Peru, where most of my family was from. On the way to the city of Andahuaylas a farmers strike had stopped us from going any farther than a small town on the outskirts of the city. They had blockaded the roads with giant rocks or by digging trenches and were not letting anyone pass. All I wanted was some good Peruvian cooking and a nice warm bed to sleep on but i wasn't going to get either for at least another day. As a couple hours slowly passed by, the bus driver said he heard of a way that was clear. As we slowly tread on through the mountains I thought about homey taste of Peruvian food and how warm the nice wool sheets would be on me.

All of a sudden the bus stopped and there was some shouting outside. I wondered what was going on as I wanted to be off the road already. The shouting multiplied as the farmers surrounded the bus and you could hear the air slowly leaving the tires as they popped them one by one. My thoughts were getting the better of me as i recalled instances of buses being set on fire. As my heart pounded it seemed as the situation was quickly getting out of hand but as more cars showed up behind us the mob moved to the other vehicles. They did not seem interested in violence, I think they just wanted to get their message across. We were stranded with no where to go for the night. The cold was unforgiving in the valley and it would not let me sleep. After one of the longest nights in my life, the sun finally came up over the mountains and soon enough the drivers repaired the tires. The bus was able to limp into the city, dazed but unharmed.

After this ordeal I realized the struggles that some of these farmers go through. Toiling long hours over their crops and only making enough for a meager living. It opened my eyes to the problems people in other countries had and it made me want to help them. It made me realize that I should not be going to college just to graduate and make plenty of money, but instead to learn skills that will allow me to give back to my community and people in need. Although the event lingers on in my mind, it acts as a reminder to use the privilege of attending a university not to earn a comfortable living but instead to be a service to people like the farmers in Peru.

The set up of suspense is dramatic. I could practically feel the cold and hear the farmers shouting (read as as shooting at first.) The climax in this sentence could be improved by stating clearly how the air was let out of the tyres. I am not sure the term "popping" works :



Join the first sentence with the second phrase with a comma.


HOW CAN YOUR EDUCATION BE A SERVICE TO YOUR COUNTRY'S FARMERS? DOES THIS MEAN STUDYING AGRO-BUSINESS or SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT or being a journalist, a human rights activist?