Prompt - Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve
My first introduction to architecture was through the drawing templates and the rapidograph pens that always sat on my father's table at his office. At age seven, I didn't really know the significances of these tools, but I would watch my father for hours as he meticulously drew clean straight lines. His two year program in civil engineering had allowed him to design from benches and small shelves to canteens...
after edits:
My reason for choosing to transfer to IIT is because of its solid architectural program that challenges its students and allows them to recognize their potential. It also brings to awareness the evolving and cutting edge technology that is necessary to confidently enter today's competitive work environment. I remember my first introduction to architecture was through the drawing templates and the rapidograph pens that always sat on my father's table at his office. At age seven, I didn't really know the significances of these tools, but I would watch my father for hours as he meticulously drew clean straight lines.
His two years program in civil engineering had allowed him to design from benches and small shelves to canteens and additional classrooms for the school he worked for. These were the drawings that I would carefully replicate and modify to my liking. I was drawn to the idea of designing and creating something that is used day to day. I continued with my drawings aiming to create edificial structures and eventually I would attempt to design my ideal house with naive realism. This childhood experience would become the key for my interest in architecture.
Although I had taken an art class in high school, I was nervous walking into my first drafting class at Harold Washington College. However after taking a few architectural courses, I am convinced that architecture is the right career path for me. I have learned in this college, the basics of drafting and viewing the world in its structural sense. I also found that beyond the aesthetic creation, architecture relies on the continual existence of civilizations that communicate the reasoning and the philosophy of building structures. This realization has evoked the desire in me to continue on this particular journey of knowledge. I believe IIT is the best place to continue on my journey.
Moreover, I know IIT would be the best place for me to further my knowledge on the fundamentals of architecture and on the theoretical and disciplined method of problem solving incorporated in the program by one of the founders of modern architecture, Mies Van Der Rohe. I also feel that I would benefit from the urbanized location of IIT. Chicago has a diversified community that would allow me to share and be exposed to different ways of thinking, including the many activities and opportunities it offers. In addition, for someone choosing to study Architecture, I believe it is important to be in a surrounding where different set of architectural approaches can be studied and considered. I believe with all of these facets that IIT offers I can realize my career goals. I hope you will provide me the opportunity to become a member of a distinguished community.
I would really appreciate any kind of feedback! Thanks in advance
As my drawings progressed in the correlations of geometric shapes, I would attempt to design my ideal house with naïve realism. --- I'm not sure about what this means... they progressed in correlations of shapes. I think you have to explain it differently.
This is some good writing! I think, though, that you should give an intro para BEFORE telling the story of your childhood. Give an intro that answers the question about why you are transfering, and then go on to tell the story.
I almost want to suggest using paragraph 3 as the intro para, with some modifications to make it fit that way...
:-)
Thanks Kevin, I'll make the changes and will post the new one
I revised the essay! But I am not sure about the first and second paragraph. It was one big paragraph and I am not sure if I cut it at the right place or that it flows better. I would also be greatful if you could point out my grammer mistakes and any other corrections I should make. Please help I need to turn this in by tomorrow!
Thank you so much! :)
"My reason --- is because" --- this is a problem. How about this?
I choose to transfer to IIT is because of its...
It also brings to awareness the evolving and cutting edge technology that is necessary to confidently enter today's competitive work environment. (now add a thesis statement that conveys the main idea of the whole essay).
Put 2 paragraphs together in paragraph 2:
I remember my first introduction to architecture was through the drawing templates and the rapidograph pens that always sat on my father's table at his office. At age seven, I didn't really know the significances of these tools, but I would watch my father for hours as he meticulously drew clean straight lines. His two years... would become the key for my interest in architecture.
Nice! The last few paragraphs are great!
In addition, for someone choosing to study Architecture, I believe it is important to be in an environment surrounding where different set of architectural approaches can be...
Thanks again Kevin, I will make the changes
