hello, i'm applying to Georgetown SFS-Q and i wrote for the first time a personal statement, so please can you give me some feedback and correct me if i have any grammatical error and please respond as soon as possible ;)
(prompts: please submit a brief essay, either autobiographical or creative, which you feel best describes you)
Fifth of octobr, 2011, it is a date that will be carved in my memory for as long as I live. That is the day that my mother had a surgery because she was diagnosed with breast cancer and from that day on, everything within me changed. I transformed from being a childish, carefree teenage girl to a responsible young woman.
As I was looking at my mother's pale, but calm face, I couldn't help but start remembering the day when I came back to my home from kindergarten, stamping my feet angrily, telling my mother that a boy pushed me and said I couldn't do anything because I'm a girl, then I felt a pair of warm hands, lifting me up, I looked at my mother's smiling, radiant face telling me that it doesn't matter whether I was a girl or boy, as long I work hard and put my heart into something, anything is possible. These words gave the young me and are still giving me the strength to keep on following the dreams that a lot of people are saying they are too far and impossible to achieve.
My father's voice brought me back to reality when he said that it's time to go to the operation room, some nurses came and began moving my mom's bed, I tried to hold back my tears and glued a smile on my face until my mother was out of sight. I felt my knees were going to give in, but I felt a strong, broad hand around my shoulder keeping me from falling, I buried my face in my father's chest and started crying. This was the last time I cried in front of anyone, my whole family and friends were shocked at how composed I was in tough incidents, whether it was when my mother was hospitalized or when she had to go to the emergency room. In fact, my parents say that I became more dependable and reliable than most grown-ups.
Knowing how much my family and friends are supporting me made me a stronger and more confident person than I would have never imagined. As I look back on my life, I realize that as we grow up, the obstacles we face become bigger, but these hardships are what shape us and make us a stronger and better human being.
Before this life changing day, I could only face one thing at a time and get so stressed out about it, but now juggling between studying hard for my senior year, doing volunteer work, taking care of the house and my younger sister that I feel responsible of, in addition of learning a new language has become my daily routine and I'm actually satisfied with this busy, but fulfilling lifestyle.
Till now, I'm still facing the biggest obstacle in my life, but knowing that I have some great people that will always support me and protect me no matter what gives me a goal in life, which is to be a person that people can depend and rely on in any difficult situation.
(prompts: please submit a brief essay, either autobiographical or creative, which you feel best describes you)
Fifth of octobr, 2011, it is a date that will be carved in my memory for as long as I live. That is the day that my mother had a surgery because she was diagnosed with breast cancer and from that day on, everything within me changed. I transformed from being a childish, carefree teenage girl to a responsible young woman.
As I was looking at my mother's pale, but calm face, I couldn't help but start remembering the day when I came back to my home from kindergarten, stamping my feet angrily, telling my mother that a boy pushed me and said I couldn't do anything because I'm a girl, then I felt a pair of warm hands, lifting me up, I looked at my mother's smiling, radiant face telling me that it doesn't matter whether I was a girl or boy, as long I work hard and put my heart into something, anything is possible. These words gave the young me and are still giving me the strength to keep on following the dreams that a lot of people are saying they are too far and impossible to achieve.
My father's voice brought me back to reality when he said that it's time to go to the operation room, some nurses came and began moving my mom's bed, I tried to hold back my tears and glued a smile on my face until my mother was out of sight. I felt my knees were going to give in, but I felt a strong, broad hand around my shoulder keeping me from falling, I buried my face in my father's chest and started crying. This was the last time I cried in front of anyone, my whole family and friends were shocked at how composed I was in tough incidents, whether it was when my mother was hospitalized or when she had to go to the emergency room. In fact, my parents say that I became more dependable and reliable than most grown-ups.
Knowing how much my family and friends are supporting me made me a stronger and more confident person than I would have never imagined. As I look back on my life, I realize that as we grow up, the obstacles we face become bigger, but these hardships are what shape us and make us a stronger and better human being.
Before this life changing day, I could only face one thing at a time and get so stressed out about it, but now juggling between studying hard for my senior year, doing volunteer work, taking care of the house and my younger sister that I feel responsible of, in addition of learning a new language has become my daily routine and I'm actually satisfied with this busy, but fulfilling lifestyle.
Till now, I'm still facing the biggest obstacle in my life, but knowing that I have some great people that will always support me and protect me no matter what gives me a goal in life, which is to be a person that people can depend and rely on in any difficult situation.
