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'favorite pair of shoes' - Connecticut College Supplement- Community



boom 2 / 9  
Dec 26, 2011   #1
Prompt: What does "community" mean to you? (250 words)

That favorite pair of shoes that you've worn for years, the one that has supported you through the rainy days, and the one that you never want to throw out, reminds me of the intimate levels of connections I have for my community. That pair of shoe is a necessity for many, like the way a community is for me. Without my shoes, I feel incomplete and unsure, and just like that, without a community I lose the sense of place, belonging, and support. My community's guidance and care incorporates into many of my experiences and journeys in life, from the moment I fall from stepping in a pothole, to the point I learn to walk around the hole. A shoe without a perfect fit is like an incongruous society, where it'll always be hard to fit in. The sole of my shoe supports and carries me through the mud, the cold, and the everyday frantic dashes to the bus. Likewise, the people in my community hold me up with their love and care. The sole effortlessly molds onto the arches of my feet, akin to the way my community shapes and sculpts my perspectives. People have their own taste in shoes, and similarly they have their picks on a community. I take pride in my favorite pair of shoes; they help me stand out from others, create a sense of individuality. My community defines me, as an entity. With the love and support a community provides, I can confidently step on and confront the erratic ways of the world.

Please help me guys. I want to make the connection clear and strong so the reader sees it as easily as I do.

Thanks


ktbillings2 1 / 2  
Dec 26, 2011   #2
I love the extended metaphor you create with the shoes nd the community. I think it's a really solid response that shows how important community is to you. Well written and well done overall. Good luck!
menukagrg 7 / 88  
Dec 26, 2011   #3
I really like the suggestions made above. Some things are redundant. Maybe if you have more word space, you could add some more details and split up the essay in two? I love specific details (it's just me).You can explain one event where the sense of community played a vital role in your life. But i think it will be hard to do with your choice of topics. What do you think?
OP boom 2 / 9  
Dec 30, 2011   #4
Thank you all for your tips. I'll definitely try to do so.
chipdip - / 11  
Dec 31, 2011   #5
mmm is it just me, or does the whole "favorite shoes" essay sound familiar...?
Anxhela 6 / 28  
Jan 1, 2012   #6
I think that in the first part you repeated "shoes" too many times,it sounds mechanic and fragmented..try to unify sentences better.
chipdip - / 11  
Jan 1, 2012   #7
Kind of like the sample essay about the girl talking about her favorite pair of shoes. Just google "shoes college essay" and you'll find it.


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