This is for Emory University, optional essay.
Prompt: What is your favorite ride at the amusement park? How does this reflect your approach to life? (250 words max)
Rough Draft:
Behnam and I were next- next in line to experience the thrill of the Double Shot at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk for the first time. The ride controller led us the way to our seats, but took several minutes due to the hordes of excited amusement park-goers in the way. During that time, I was thinking about how the other rides I've been on in my life, such as Medusa, The Roar, and Boomerang. I realized that they were all rides in which I knew what was going to happen, like when there was going to be a drop, rise, or loop-de-loop.
However, Behnam told me the Double Shot was different, as one would not know what would happen. In this ride, the seating component would "shoot" up and down a tall tower at times that were unpredictable. I was afraid. But I did it anyway.
After experiencing my stomach rising and falling seven times or so, I discovered that the Double Shot is my favorite ride at an amusement park, as its randomness of whether one is going to up or down taught me that life is unpredictable as well. While I would like to believe everything will be how I planned to be, sometimes it won't. Maybe I won't go to medical school and instead become a research assistant somewhere. Maybe I'll spend most of my time in community service. Maybe I'll have a new friend tomorrow. Anything is possible.
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I'd like to if my paragraph answers the prompt. If not, tell me where I can expand more? Also, fix any grammar problems. Thanks guys, always looking for improvement. =)
Prompt: What is your favorite ride at the amusement park? How does this reflect your approach to life? (250 words max)
Rough Draft:
Behnam and I were next- next in line to experience the thrill of the Double Shot at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk for the first time. The ride controller led us the way to our seats, but took several minutes due to the hordes of excited amusement park-goers in the way. During that time, I was thinking about how the other rides I've been on in my life, such as Medusa, The Roar, and Boomerang. I realized that they were all rides in which I knew what was going to happen, like when there was going to be a drop, rise, or loop-de-loop.
However, Behnam told me the Double Shot was different, as one would not know what would happen. In this ride, the seating component would "shoot" up and down a tall tower at times that were unpredictable. I was afraid. But I did it anyway.
After experiencing my stomach rising and falling seven times or so, I discovered that the Double Shot is my favorite ride at an amusement park, as its randomness of whether one is going to up or down taught me that life is unpredictable as well. While I would like to believe everything will be how I planned to be, sometimes it won't. Maybe I won't go to medical school and instead become a research assistant somewhere. Maybe I'll spend most of my time in community service. Maybe I'll have a new friend tomorrow. Anything is possible.
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I'd like to if my paragraph answers the prompt. If not, tell me where I can expand more? Also, fix any grammar problems. Thanks guys, always looking for improvement. =)
