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I have always felt a vocation towards business; NYU SUP/ Academic Interests


gdiazdeleon 2 / 7 1  
Dec 26, 2012   #1
NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve their career goals. Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a definitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic interests? Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses.

Business. I have always felt a vocation towards business. It has interested me both as a study and a lifestyle. I aspire to be the proud owner of a business one day - whether it is a global corporation or a small business. I also hope to create a NPO. I firmly believe that admission into the Stern School of Business is the first milestone in achieving my goals. Courses at NYU such as Leadership in Organizations, Cultures and Contexts, Game Theory, and Foundations of Entrepreneurship would drastically satisfy my eager search for knowledge and place me one step closer to achieving my dreams. I have been to 31 countries, and I believe that participation in the IBEX program would expand my cultural, social, and intellectual horizons beyond possibility . I seek a universal view to business and I know that NYU New York, centered at the core of the universe, the city where thousands of cultures clash, can help me achieve this.

collegemaster 2 / 5 1  
Dec 26, 2012   #2
Business.

A bit abrupt. Your second sentence is a good start.

I have always felt a vocation towards business. It has interested me both as a study and a lifestyle.

Maybe try a semicolon instead of a period seperating these two clauses.

I also hope to create a NPO.

This seems really random. If you can tie this to something else in your essay, that would make it better.

I firmly believe that admission into the Stern School of Business is the first milestone in achieving my goals.

I wouldn't say admission to the school is part of your life dream. Rather something like "Attending the Stern School of Business would be a strong step toward my goal of ______"

drastically satisfy my eager search for knowledge

Try "quench my thirst for knowledge" instead? Drastically seems like an extreme word.

place me one step closer to achieving my dreams

"Bring me one step closer to realizing my dreams."

I have been to 31 countries

...so? If you've been to that many countries, wouldn't your horizons already be wide?

core of the universe

what. NYC is known as the capital of the world, so you could use that.
There is no need to follow my advice if you do not think it makes the essay better. Just do what you think works best!

Good luck with NYU!
luky0ne 7 / 27 4  
Dec 27, 2012   #3
"Along with this I also hope to create a NPO because... "
"I have been to 31over 30(emphasize :D) countries, and I believe that participation in the IBEX program would further expand my"

Otherwise its quite good :)
OP gdiazdeleon 2 / 7 1  
Dec 27, 2012   #4
Thank you to both of you! Really helping me out, I'm not too good of a writer. Thx :))
OP gdiazdeleon 2 / 7 1  
Dec 27, 2012   #5
Really need help!!!!!!!! DEADLINE IS NEAR! these are the revisions and the second supplement as well> HELP PLEASE. THANK YOU

NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve their career goals. Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a definitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic interests? Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses.

Business. I have always felt a vocation towards business. It has interested me as a study, as a lifestyle, and as an art. It is a way to think, a way to live. Some people have it, some people don't. I do. I currently own a small entertainment business that has made more than 10,000 in profit with only 150 hours of hard work. That's about double the money per hour than what an entry-level businessman makes (according to Google).

I aspire to be the proud owner of a bigger business one day - whether it is a global corporation or simply a local company. Along with this, I hope to create a NPO in the spirit of giving back. Attending the Stern School of Business would be a milestone in achieving my goals. Courses at NYU such as Mandarin for Business Purposes, Leadership in Organizations, Cultures and Contexts, Game Theory, and Foundations of Entrepreneurship would quench my intellectual inquiry and place me one step closer to realizing my dreams. I have been to 31 countries and I speak close to three languages, and I believe that participation in the IBEX program would further expand my intellectual, social, and cultural horizons. I seek a universal view to business and I know that NYU New York, centered at the capital of the world, the city where thousands of cultures clash, can help me achieve this.

What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

The world is my interest. Since I was young I knew my mind pertained not to where I lived. It floated somewhere else; it belonged to different cultures. It rejected an intelligible cosmos of constricted views and provincial thoughts. It spoke in two languages yet processed only one-the world's. Intellectual complacency and cultural indifference were forever absent. It sought to understand every brilliant mind alive and discover every corner in the world as I slowly traced behind in awe. It sought to accept every culture, every way of life as I gnawed down the barriers hiding the beauty of different. It sought to comprehend every idea ever put forward as I flipped the pages of countless books. It saw the world. And now, I did too. The same world around me that I had been living in soon became a different one, a new one. I was obsessed.
Proran 4 / 17 5  
Dec 27, 2012   #6
I love the second one.

For the first one, I would remove the bit about your successful business. If your application already contains it, there is no need to throw it in there to make you look more impressive. Besides that it is very well written.


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